Wednesday, January 4, 2012
We have been home now 4 days, I have to stop every so often and just remind myself we are really here! We have our daughter home, she is actually sleeping in her bed, she is wearing her clothes, and running after (or away!) from her brothers.
Overall, I would say things are going really well. She seems so adaptable, nothing seems to faze her very much. She still very much prefers me, and will run over to me with a big smile on her face. She has really warmed up to Aaron, and has gone to him willingly a couple of times which is a big deal. Things that I thought would be hard for her, don't really seem to be, like the carseat and highchair. She is eating well, as long as everything is pretty mushy, and sleeping pretty good too. She goes down at night about 8, and usually wakes up a few times in the night, but sometimes will soothe herself back to sleep. I did have to give her a bottle last night around 11, but then she slept until 6 :30. She also takes a nap, right now it has been late morning, for around 2 hours. She still takes bottles, at her foster house they gave her one after every meal, and woke her up at night to give her one too. Right now, that is easiest way to get her to fall asleep, both for naps and if she wakes up at night. She also hasn't had any tummy issues yet.
The boys are really sweet with her. Eli loves to kiss her forehead, he will smooth back her hair and give her kiss after kiss. Micah loves to hold her hand, and Isaac is warming up to her more and more. She seems to like Isaac the most right now, which is sort of funny since he was the one of the three who wasn't so sure about her. :)
It's definitely not all easy though. I have been struggling with worry and fear over wanting to do everything perfectly as far as attachment and bonding go. So much so, that I don't think I have enjoyed just being home with her very much yet. I just keep thinking we have so much ground to make up, we can't take anything for granted. I also haven't really processed through the last 2 weeks, everything happened so incredibly fast, and with quite a bit of stress involved. I have felt worried about the boys too, and not being enough for them with trying to be enough for her. I just feel so incredibly unsure about everything. There is so much we don't know, and I just don't want to do anything that will set us back. It's hard bringing a new little person into your family, especially one who we just don't know very well yet, and who doesn't know us. We are also still jet-lagged, and around 3:30 or 4 in the afternoon, I start longing for sleep.
1 John 4:18-19 has been two verses I have thought a lot about both for me and for Hope, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us." I can, and need to experience perfect love because of what Christ has done for me. And I want to offer that kind of love to Hope. Love that is not based on actions, or feelings, but that is unconditional and constant, and there regardless of what she does or doesn't do. I can only offer that to her through Christ working in my own heart, and that is what I am praying He continues to do.