Saturday, October 23, 2010
I have been thinking a lot lately about waiting and "waiting well." A friend recently posted several verses about waiting and faith that were so encouraging. (I am posting one of them!) So often I operate in my own strength and depend on my own abilities which ends up being empty and discouraging. But, filling my mind and heart with truth and choosing to believe what I KNOW instead of dwelling on the myriad of things I don't, brings peace. I don't know when we we travel and bring her home, but I do know that her Creator loves her more than I could ever imagine, and will continue to take care of her and watch over her until and after we bring her home with us. I am choosing to dwell on that, day by day.
"I am waiting for the Lord, my soul is waiting for Him, and my hope is in His Word." Psalms 130:5
Saturday, October 16, 2010
We are potty-training Isaac this weekend, and as much as I was dreading it, he is doing really well. Potty-training Eli and Micah was so hard. I didn't really know what I was doing and there were two of them which unfortunately equaled A LOT of frustration on my part. I just remember it as being awful. So, I was definitely not looking forward to conquering this little milestone with Isaac. We started Friday, and I have just tried to be extra patient, somewhat matter-of-fact, and excited for him when he has success. I think he has more juice in the last two days than in his whole life! :) He has started going on his own with me here, but I left last night to go out with a couple friends, and again this morning to go to the grocery store, and he did have an accident each time with Aaron. So, we are not there yet, but getting closer! We set aside this weekend to be home and really give him the attention he needs. He actually gets upset when he has an accident, which I don't remember with Eli and Micah, and seems to get how it all works. Here's hoping anyway!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I am terrible at waiting. It doesn't seem to matter what I am waiting for when I have an idea about something, I want to do it right away. Waiting up to this point for our baby has not been an issue. The paperwork was overwhelming and hard and seemed never-ending at times, but the end result was still fuzzy. I knew what we were working toward, but in a much less concrete way.
Now I have seen my baby. I have read and re-read everything there is to know about her. I have pored over every picture and studied her face so closely. And I want her home. I want to hold her and kiss her cheeks. Suddenly the wait is DRAGGING on, and it hasn't even been two months since we received her referral. The logical side of me knows we could easily have another 3 months before we even have a court date, which we may not even pass. If we dont' pass then we could wait another couple of months for a new court date, and another couple of weeks before we would travel after that. That is definitely a worst case scenario, but it could happen. All the while she is growing and changing.
We do have things to do to get ready for her, and I do have three other little balls of energy that need me, but I do think about her all day long. Wondering, praying, hoping that we will be with her soon.
Tonight we have our homestudy update (it's been a year already!), which I am not really concerned about at all. I need to do some cleaning, but our caseworker is super sweet, and does a great job at making you feel comfortable.
I am just in this funk about waiting, trying to prepare myself for the worst, but at the same time hoping so much for the best.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
I have realized that now we are moving past the physically demanding aspect of parenting, (the things you do because you really have no choice, babies simply cannot feed, change, carry themselves, etc.), that my choices still need to be unselfish ones. Parenting is still not about me, and I still need to be unselfish 99% of the time to be the best mom I can be for them.
So, I am choosing to say yes. Choosing to say yes to, "Mom, can I switch around all the silverware?, Mom, can I help you make supper? Mom, can I put paper balls all over my room?, Mom, can we watch something?, Mom, can we have pancakes
for lunch? Mom, can I do it by myself?"
It's so hard for me to be unselfish and let go of how I think things should be, but I think about my Father, and His grace, patience, abundant blessing, and love toward me, and that is the kind of relationship I want to offer my boys.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Well, I am seriously doubting I will ever go back and finish the posts I started several weeks ago, so here's to starting fresh right where we are! :) The boys and I just returned from a GREAT week in Oklahoma to visit my family. Going to Nana and Papa's house is always such a highlight, and the boys were so excited to go. Aaron had to stay home which was the only bummer about the trip, but I appreciate so much his willingness to be lonely for a week so we could have fun.
The boys immediately dived into the world of nerf guns, gi joes, knights, and disney channel, and I blissfully sank into the world of no dinner making or cleaning. :) Really, my parents do so much to make us feel welcome and loved, and their home is one of the only places I can truly relax.
Some of the highlights:
My mom teaches Kindermusik, and is amazing, so we were able to go to several classes with her. Eli and Micah have done it with her since they were babies when she would come up here to visit us, and Isaac hasn't done it quite as much, but loves it too.
My brothers were around a lot too, which was so fun. My boys adore their uncles, and basically stay as close to them as possible wherever they are. One night my brother Andy had a movie night with them. He took them to rent a movie (Kung Foo Panda) and let them pick out any snack they wanted. They all three came marching through the door when they got home with HUGE bags of jelly bellies and equally huge smiles on their faces.
My mom also took me shopping and out to lunch for my birthday, which hasn't happened in years, and I was reminded as I always am when we are together how much I love her and our relationship. We ate lunch at a great restaurant that we both love, and one we used to go to every once in awhile on our shopping trips.
One night my dad and I took the boys to see my brother Ben coach his junior high football team. We lasted until half time, and then went to Orange Leaf, an awesome frozen yogurt place where you pick your flavor and toppings. Another big hit with my guys! :)
We also went to this great farm, pumpkin patch, corn maze. We were the only ones there and had such a blast! We saw tons of animals, the boys got to ride ponies, and we all went on a hayrack ride and through a corn maze.
It was just a great trip, and such a refreshment for me. Thanks Dad and Mom!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
"B—What a beautiful, delicate little doll! B is calm and seems to enjoy a good cuddle. She stares at every thing in wide-eyed wonder. Today, when I visited with her, she was wide awake while her buddies were sleeping. She just lay there, quietly, seemingly listening to all that was going on around her: caregivers talking, doors shutting, babies crying in other rooms. Before long, though, she had nodded off into a peaceful sleep. She had enough of being awake and needed to get back to her favorite activity at this point in her little life." So sweet!
We will hear about her weight and length and developmental milestones around the 15th of each month, and around the 1st of the month we receive pictures and personality descriptions. I sometimes just ache thinking about her, holding her, kissing her cheeks, and introducing her to her three big brothers. Praying our dossier will move quickly through the court!