tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35754894030082111602024-03-12T18:44:12.442-07:00thankful for hopemaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.comBlogger136125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-32946533585579431322012-12-20T05:31:00.000-08:002012-12-20T05:31:54.145-08:001 yearWe are so very quickly approaching the one year anniversary of welcoming Hope Bezualem into our family. Is that possible?? I have been thinking a lot lately of what was going on last year at this time. At this point we still didn't know when we would be going back to Ethiopia, and thinking it would be well into the next year. And then, on December 16 we got the e-mail of all e-mails, CLEARANCE. I remember it SO clearly, I had woken up early to work out and checked my e-mail as I had done every morning. When I saw it I could not believe it, re-read it over and over, sure that there was some mistake, and finally ran upstairs to wake up Aaron. He stumbled down and confirmed that is sure looked like we could finally go back to get our girl. That whole day was such a wonderful blur, I felt like I was floating on joy and excitement. And then the next few days were such a flurry of plane tickets, guest house reservations, e-mails, phone calls, trips to the store, and trying to finish Christmas prep. I remember telling my mom I was feeling sick to my stomach all the time and hoped I wasn't getting sick. She wisely suggested it was stress, which it was! I could hardly eat anything, and my mind was racing 24/7.<br />
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We celebrated Christmas with our boys the 22nd, and that night Micah threw up several times. Our flight was the next afternoon, and I didn't know if we should leave him. He was so sick, and I was just imagining the other two getting it, and passing it on to our parents who would be taking care of them while we were gone. After praying about it, checking into changing plane tickets, and talking to both sets of parents, we decided to go with their encouragement and blessing. And by the time we left, he was fine, and no one else got sick!<br />
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Our time in Ethiopia was hard. That's the part that is hard to think about, how scared Hope was, how helpless I felt, and the emotional crash when we finally got back home. But God was so faithful, so good, so patient, in the midst of all of that. It has been a year full of joy, confusion, thankfulness, fear, discouragement, growth, and hope. That is where I think I have landed, hope. Adoption is hard, every part of it. But there is so much hope, because we are not in it alone and never will be. He has walked with us every step, and will continue to, and He is the one who makes all things new and beautiful. Sometimes His definition of beautiful looks a bit different than ours, but I am so incredible thankful that I can trust Him completely. I think it was maybe the hardest year I have had, but at the same time one of the best, funny how that works. I needed Him this year, sometimes minute to minute for days and days, and HE IS FAITHFUL. Not once did I pray for help and He did not respond. I am so unworthy of that love, so unworthy of His goodness, and yet He continues to give it freely and abundantly.<br />
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Hope has grown so much over this year in every way, really all of us have, but it especially fun to see how far she has come. She is a little ball of motion, who loves people, activities, Larry Boy, and music. One of my favorite things is when we go to her class at church and she starts greeting the kids in her class by name. And her giggle, holy cow, cutest thing ever! When she giggles, we all just stop and listen because it is just so sweet. She follows and mostly keeps up with her brothers as best she can. She knows her colors, and can count to ten, and recognizes the first letter in her and her brothers names. She is definitely a mama's girl, but has grown a lot in her love for her dad too. And she and Isaac are quite the pair! I was most worried about their relationship, Isaac had the hardest time adjusting of the boys, and there just were not many peaceful moments during our day in the beginning with the two of them. I wouldn't necessarily say they are the best of friends now, but they are definitely buddies. :) <br />
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At the airport, December 31st, 2011<br />
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Family pictures, September 2012<br />
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So thankful for our girl, and what Christ has taught and shown us about His love through her. <br />
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maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-23376508133865427952012-10-11T13:09:00.001-07:002012-10-11T13:09:11.710-07:00cheesesticksIt's sort of funny that I haven't blogged for forever, and when I finally do it's about an inanimate object! Hopefully this will be a kick start for me to keep up to date again. We'll see. :)<br />
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I just wanted to write down this story, because I think it shows how God can show Himself in even the smallest, seemingly insignificant ways, and I don't want to forget that. So, two mornings ago I had Bible study, and it was my group's turn to bring food for all of the ladies who come. I had signed up to bring cheese sticks, and then promptly completely and totally forgot about it. Like, it didn't occur to me once in the following week, I didn't write it down anywhere, nothing. Aaron had been on a mission trip to the Dominican Republic during that week, and so my usual grocery shopping day of Saturday morning, was pushed back to Monday afternoon. The afternoon before Bible study when I needed to bring the cheese sticks. As I made my list before leaving for the store, I remembered I had this coupon for cheese sticks, found it, wrote it down on my list and stuck it in my purse. The whole time thinking how great it would be to have another snack option for the kids in the next week. Thinking NOTHING of the fact that that is exactly what I had signed up to bring. So, I go to the store, get my groceries, remembered the cheese sticks (which is even a bit of a feat because I have been known many times to have an item written down on my list only to forget to buy it), and came back home. Later that evening I was checking my e-mail and saw a reminder that I had signed up for food for the next day, and BAM, I remembered I needed cheese sticks!! Only to then realize, I actually had exactly what I needed ready to go in the fridge! And I hadn't opened them up yet to give to my kids (although the thought had crossed my mind)!<br />
Despite the fact that I completely forgot that I needed to bring cheese sticks for Bible study, God worked it out so that I would buy them anyway. He knew that Aaron was going to be sick as a dog Monday night after getting home from the Dominican, and I wouldn't have a chance to go back to the store. What a gift that was to me! Just to think that God is involved in the seemingly mindless, unimportant parts of my day spoke to my heart in such a real and powerful way. He can be trusted, He is everywhere all the time, and I need to do a better job of seeing Him, and rejoicing in His love for me.<br />
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So that's my story. :)<br />
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<br />maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-1725184405302317352012-08-19T13:17:00.000-07:002012-08-22T11:30:15.874-07:00Hope's BirthdayWe celebrated another birthday around here! July 30th, Hope Bezualem Shaul turned 2, and what a joy it was to celebrate her. It was fun thinking about decorating for a girl, and I had to add some pink streamers to our stash. :) My parents were coming into town the Friday following her birthday, and we were planning a small family party for Saturday, so on her actual day we went to the zoo! She loves animals, and we tried to see the animals we feel like she especially loves, or at least can say and/or make the sound. :) Those included giraffes, lions, tigers, monkeys and the petting zoo. We also rode the carousel, which she loved until the end. After dinner we went as a family to Jones Bros Cupcakes, which I think may need to be a tradition. I went there last year with some friends to celebrate her 1st birthday, and it was really special to take her this year. We were there all of about 20 minutes, the boys INHALED their cupcakes (theirs were mini ones), and it is really just better for us not to linger too long at restaurants. She loves, loves sweets, so hers was gone fast too! Then we went to a park across the street and played for a bit before coming home.<br />
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I was actually surprised at the mix of emotions I felt on her birthday. Everything from joy and thankfulness to sadness and sort of melancholy. I thought so much about her birth mom leading up to her birthday, and just wishing we knew more about her. Wishing I could give her a hug, thank her for giving Hope life, and assuring her how much we treasure and love our sweet girl. I can't begin to imagine her life, but we are forever connected, and she will never be forgotten.<br />
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Hope is really such a joy, she is absolutely her own little person, and she handles her brothers with both sweetness and sass! Her vocabulary has really started to take off, and my current favorite word of hers is flip-flops. I also love how she says each of the boys' names: I-I (Eli), Nehneh (Micah), and Isey or Iee (Isaac).<br />
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Some of Hope's loves:<br />
-her blankie (kie-kie)<br />
-milk<br />
-yogurt<br />
-any dessert!<br />
-animals<br />
-books <br />
-being outside<br />
-going new places<br />
-mom :)<br />
-songs/music<br />
-Elmo <br />
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<br />maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-70793501899269044652012-07-16T07:22:00.000-07:002012-07-16T07:22:07.924-07:00Isaac's birthdayIsaac had a birthday May 23, and he turned 4! This was the first year he was really excited about his birthday, and counted down to it for days before hand. The night before his birthday we were putting them to bed, and I looked over at him and he had the cutest little smile on his face. I asked him what he was thinking about, and he whispered, "my birthday."<br />
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It was also the last day of school for Eli and Micah, but I wanted to keep the day about Isaac. After a breakfast of chocolate chip teddy bear pancakes and dropping Eli and Micah at school, Isaac, Hope, and I went to the Chidren's Museum. That was what he wanted to do, and it was really fun! He is not Mr. I Am Going to Go Explore By Myself, he likes to stick close by, so it was a little tricky at times chasing after Hope, who is essentially his opposite in that way. But thankfully it wasn't too busy, and I could keep my eyes on both of them even if they were in different spots. After the museum he wanted to go to "king burger" (Burger King) for lunch, and get a happy meal which we brought home and he ate while watching a movie (a birthday tradition.)<br />
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He had decided on an Angry Birds Space birthday, and his one request was for a pinata. Thankfully, we actually found an Angry Birds one, and then I filled it with candy, pencils, and other little toy things. We had Aaron's sister and her family over for dinner (hot dogs, chips, and lemonade), and cake. He opened presents, and the kids did the pinata, which was a pretty big hit. Eli and Micah have requested one for their birthday, but I'm sort of hoping they forget because it takes a lot of stuff to fill one up! All in all, I think it was a great day, and we loved celebrating him.<br />
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He really has my heart, in a special way, and I am loving watching him grow and change. He is really creative, he builds things all the time from legos, blocks, or treasure he finds outside. He also picks flowers for me constantly, many times just a teeny tiny one in our grass, or even just a leaf that catches his eye, but wants to give them to me which I think is pretty much the sweetest. When Eli and Micah were in school, he would build things for them to see when they came home, or make them pictures, he thought about them so much throughout the day. And for a while he was picking out Hope's clothes almost every day! He is still pretty shy, still loves to cuddle, still has the warmest, sweetest smile. Happy Birthday to my favorite 4 year old!maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-64661454688579787182012-05-22T11:40:00.000-07:002012-06-05T05:40:56.975-07:00Months 3, 4, and almost 5!FAIL! That is what blogging has been lately. I used to write when, 1) I was in the mood, 2) I had time, and 3) I had something to write about that I didn't want to forget. Well, these days the chances that all three of these happen at the same time (mainly #'s 1 and 2) are not great! Plus, I feel like so much has happened that I haven't written about and am so far behind it's just hard to catch up. Plus, when I do start a post, which I have now a couple of times, I don't have time to finish it, and it gets ridiculously long. Anyway, I think doing lists would work better, like maybe a top ten, or something like that.<br />
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So, here is my Top 10 favorite things Hope and our family have been doing these last two months<br />
(in no particular order)<br />
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1. Sister is finding her voice! She really hasn't talked at all, but lately we are hearing more words. Currently her favs seem to be "bye, daddy, mom, shoes, and dog." She says "bye" all the time, to people, cars, rooms we walk out of, toys she is done playing with, you get the idea. She loves to wave to Eli and Micah and Aaron when they leave for school and work, and she totally has the beauty pageant wave down.<br />
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2.She is pretty fearless, and gets around so well. When she first came home she had no idea how to do stairs, or really climb at all. But now, she gets around EVERYWHERE. There have been numerous times we have been upstairs getting dressed or ready for bed, and I walk into the boys room to find her on Micah's top bunk, having climbed his ladder to get there. She also loves parks, climbing to the top of the playgrounds and going down all the slides, no matter how tall.<br />
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3. She greets me with a smile in the morning. Such a sweet way to start the day, seeing her face light up and those dimples doing their job! :)<br />
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4. She loves to read books, and has just started pointing at things when you ask her where they are.<br />
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5. Isaac has finally accepted having a sister. :) I'm sort of kidding about that, but it really took 3 months for him to find his smile again, and actually seem to enjoy life. Such a major blessing when I see or hear the two of them playing and laughing together. Not that it's always happy and rosy, but I have seen a big change in his heart.<br />
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6. Sleeping has really improved. I'm probably jinxing it, but she has slept the last three nights all night! She takes a while to fall asleep at night, she jabbers and sings in her bed for an hour sometimes, which means she sleeps in longer than the boys. And she still doesn't like to rock. :(<br />
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7. Hope's laugh. I have been hearing this more and more lately! She usually gets the hiccups when she starts laughing, and if she laughs really hard it's this silent laugh which is so cute and hilarious. And her laugh is deeper than her normal voice.<br />
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8. Blowing kisses. This is seriously the cutest thing. She puts her hand over her mouth and kisses it over and over and over, but never moves it to blow them away. So you just see her putting her hand over her mouth and hear smooching sounds. :)<br />
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9. Eli and Micah just finished soccer, and their last day of school is tomorrow! Talk about an incredibly fast year, I cannot believe they are done with kindergarten. They have grown up a lot this year, Micah is talking about wanting more responsibility, and Eli has really grown as the peace maker in our family.<br />
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10. Isaac turns 4 tomorrow! So excited to celebrate him, and excited to see him so excited! :)<br />
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So much more to say, but mainly just feeling thankful for the many blessings in our lives. There is hardly a day that goes by that I am not struck by His work in bringing our family to this point. Together, and growing, all of us!<br />
<br />maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-49616218905753726752012-04-26T06:41:00.000-07:002012-04-26T06:41:46.773-07:00rememberWell, it's 8:15 on a Thursday morning, Aaron left a few minutes ago to take Eli and Micah to school, I have not showered, and Hope and Isaac are playing with cars in the living room, so we'll see how much of this I get written at once! I have gotten so behind with blogging, and it's really the only family journal we have (we are also pretty bad about taking pictures), and I do want to have some record of these days as our family changes and grows. So, no matter how far behind I get, I will keep trying!<br />
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The theme "remember" has been running through my mind a lot lately. This time last year was a VERY difficult time for us in our adoption. We just kept getting bad news on top of bad news, and really had to look in the face the possibility that Hope may not be coming home to our family. I remember feeling heartbroken, forgotten, and a kind of left behind as other families we traveled with on our first trip started seeing movement in their cases. God's grace and compassion were definitely real to me, but it was also so hard to let go of something I so desperately wanted.<br />
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Every year our church has a spring dinner, and my good friend Kelly and I have decorated a table for it every year for the last 5 years. Last year it seemed like everything sort of culminated in terms of my emotions on that night, and after the dinner I broke down. Like almost sobbing. In public. I really felt like we maybe were not meant to bring Hope home, like an intuition of sorts. And a few weeks later, that possibility became very real as we discovered new information about her family. That night as I cried my eyes out, I was literally surrounded by my friends who were also at the dinner, and who were such a huge part of our support as we went through our adoption.<br />
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This year I just couldn't help but vividly remember that night, and the emotions and heartache that were there. But this year, wow, who could have imagined where we would be! Where God would bring us, and how He would lead us. Hope is home! I get to hold her in my arms, kiss her cheeks, hear her squeal and babble...and remember. So, our theme for our table this year was "Hope," and Psalm 62:5 was our verse, "Find rest O my soul in God alone, my hope comes from Him." I took this verse both literally and figuratively. :)<br />
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I have also been reading in Deuteronomy lately, and "remember" has also been a pretty big theme there as well. Remembering the laws God has given us, who He is, and what He has done. He is and was our answer, He goes before us, He is with us, and He has done great things!maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-69732792287731255922012-04-08T12:17:00.012-07:002012-04-17T18:43:48.423-07:00birthday boys<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2fN-PU43cos/T44bO8nCIGI/AAAAAAAAAoU/6_PRiqWnieI/s1600/P1050021.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2fN-PU43cos/T44bO8nCIGI/AAAAAAAAAoU/6_PRiqWnieI/s320/P1050021.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5732549319291183202" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6Bhc1auzT7o/T44a-4oPunI/AAAAAAAAAoI/x2AymFaPql0/s1600/P1050030.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6Bhc1auzT7o/T44a-4oPunI/AAAAAAAAAoI/x2AymFaPql0/s320/P1050030.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5732549043344620146" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uKXQTraFItE/T44axatPFSI/AAAAAAAAAn8/GZ7DOrp4HY8/s1600/P1050022.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uKXQTraFItE/T44axatPFSI/AAAAAAAAAn8/GZ7DOrp4HY8/s320/P1050022.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5732548811974186274" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UJURXJxTpCo/T44ak9QhE3I/AAAAAAAAAnw/_klGQPjQbKA/s1600/P1050028.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-UJURXJxTpCo/T44ak9QhE3I/AAAAAAAAAnw/_klGQPjQbKA/s320/P1050028.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5732548597910672242" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-in5nBxJ9dSk/T44abn8ACvI/AAAAAAAAAnk/md44eyIni7M/s1600/P1050036.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-in5nBxJ9dSk/T44abn8ACvI/AAAAAAAAAnk/md44eyIni7M/s320/P1050036.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5732548437568654066" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-S86dZQvlXR0/T44aNUwwq-I/AAAAAAAAAnY/io0c_JjKuyA/s1600/P1050038.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-S86dZQvlXR0/T44aNUwwq-I/AAAAAAAAAnY/io0c_JjKuyA/s320/P1050038.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5732548191903067106" border="0" /></a><br /><br />It has been another quick month with quite a bit happening around here! We had Eli and Micah's 6th birthday, 2 of my brothers and one sister in law came to visit, we reached our 3 month home mark with Hope, and had spring break!<br /><br />Eli and Micah turned 6 on March 23, and that is still settling in. I can't believe my first 2 are 6! Their birthday was on a Friday, and Aaron signed up to be the Watchdog at their school that day (basically dad's sign up to spend the day at school, helping with whatever the teacher's need, and just being a male presence during the day). It was a little trickier fitting in our usual birthday routine before they had to leave, but we did it, just a little faster. :) Angela had helped me with the decorations the night before (Aaron was gone, and very thankful, ha!), and I made the traditional chocolate chip teddy bear pancakes. They opened a couple of gifts from us, and Ben and Angela, and then they were off!<br /><br />I also made treats to take with them for their classes, they informed me that, "moms don't really come for birthdays," and realized again how much easier it will be if they are in the same class next year. 24 treats instead of 50 anyone? After school Aaron took them and 2 of their friends from school to the Ultimate Pizza Machine, and Ben and Angela met them there with Isaac. Hope and I stayed home, and waited for them to come back so we could have cake and ice cream. They came home so wound up and excited, the pizza machine had been a big hit!<br /><br />We wanted them to feel special and loved on their special day, and I think they did. I was a little sad about the fact that I hardly saw them at all on their birthday, so different from years before, but I did get some time alone with them on Sunday morning. I love having 6 year olds, maybe my favorite age yet? I truly love spending time with them, they are funny and sweet, and they are becoming more responsible and trustworthy. I have seen a lot of growth this year in them, in their confidence and independence, and I feel so thankful and honored to be their mom.<br /><br />So many memories flash through my mind when I think back these 6 years, and before they were born:<br />-laying on our couch downstairs while on bedrest and feeling them have the hiccups, at the same time!<br />-just staring at them, as they slept side by side on my lap right after they were born<br />-playing on the floor for hours, watching them smile at each other, dancing around the living room, and reading<br />-getting out of the house in our double stroller, lots of extra attention!<br />-moving them into big boy beds, they looked so little<br />-the agonies (and I do mean agonies) of potty-training<br />-welcoming a little brother, they were just over 2 when Isaac was born and pretty much the cutest<br /><br />So thankful for these 2. I never in a million years imagined myself with identical twin boys, but wow, I am just blown away by the gift it is to be their mom.maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-2007361767000771162012-03-08T19:51:00.006-08:002012-03-11T13:25:21.013-07:00<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4XLNBhBbUQ0/T10IR4blGII/AAAAAAAAAmE/aDj_oNp37io/s1600/P1040982.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4XLNBhBbUQ0/T10IR4blGII/AAAAAAAAAmE/aDj_oNp37io/s320/P1040982.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5718736205129259138" border="0" /></a> *buddies, at least for a minute or two!<br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kgo444ud_1o/T10IJeqMdFI/AAAAAAAAAl4/l3_C218rByc/s1600/P1040987.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kgo444ud_1o/T10IJeqMdFI/AAAAAAAAAl4/l3_C218rByc/s320/P1040987.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5718736060772283474" border="0" /></a> *wearing her big brother's coat, she loved it!<br /><br />We are still here! I have not been on my computer as much lately, so blogging has not been happening. I feel like we are just racing through time right now. Suddenly Eli and Micah's 6th birthday is 2 weeks away!<br /><br />I think everyone is doing well. :) Some days it's a little harder to tell than others, but what a gift it is to have 4 precious kiddos and one amazing husband. Hope continues to amaze me with how she handles everything, and takes it all in. I know it is hard for her, I know she is still grieving and struggling with all she has lost, but she is also making progress. She isn't curled up on the floor in a ball (like I imagine I would do if our places were switched), she is living her little life the best way she can, and I am so proud of her for that. Really, I would be proud of her no matter what, even if her behaviors were a lot harder to handle. It has been so helpful to remember to keep my feelings out of it for now, that my response to her is the same, no matter what. I literally say that out loud sometimes, when we are having a harder day.<br /><br />These are some things I have seen improvement in lately:<br />-she holds onto my hand when we go pick up the boys at school and stays close, instead of running straight into the crowd of kids and not looking back<br /><br />-she is relaxing more quickly when we rock at nap and bedtimes<br /><br />-she doesn't bunch up her legs when I pick her up<br /><br />So, those are great! One thing I have noticed that isn't exactly great, is that I don't think she knows me as her mama yet. When you ask her, "Hope, where is mama?" She looks around with big eyes, like "Seriously, where the heck is she?!" She had a special mother in her foster care home that we unfortunately didn't get to meet. I think they were together for several months at least. Today, has been a little harder of a day, and when I was rocking her she was saying "mama, mama", but it was pretty clear she wasn't talking to me. That's hard, totally understandable, but still hard. I feel like we pretty much start over each day, I know there are seeds of love and trust being planted in both of our hearts, but those don't grow up overnight! It takes time, and consistency, and patience. And I know that when I am weak, feeling helpless or discouraged, it makes that much more room for Christ to move and work, and fill me up with His love. That is what I need more than anything. To love out of the overflow that only He can provide.<br /><br />We have gone to church three times now as a family. It's overwhelming for Hope, and the rest of the day and night are a bit harder,but I think she has done just a bit better each week. We keep her with us for now, and it has been so nice to be able to go as a whole family again! Aaron and I have also had 2 Saturday morning dates which has been amazing! It really has been so great to get out just the two of us, and talk and have fun. His mom has come to our house to watch the kids, and Hope has been fine. Which I'm not sure is good or not (I think ideally you want her to show some concern when you leave), but I am so thankful for Aaron's mom being willing to come, and the relationship she has with all of our kids. They all love her!<br /><br />We also went to an Ethiopian restaurant as a family last Friday. Aaron and I had gone once before, but this was the first time with all the kiddos. We all chowed down, except for our little Ethiopian! She took one bite, and was done. :) The two ladies that were working there were so sweet and kind to us, and loved all our kids. They were especially excited about Hope, and she is from the same area that both of them are from. We will definitely be making many more trips there! Oh, Hope did stay pretty close to me when we were there. The other ladies wanted to hold her, but she didn't want to go to them. That is a good thing! Although part of me felt bad that she wouldn't let them hold her, another part was glad that she feels more connected to me.<br /><br />The boys have been doing good, but I have noticed more emotion at night before bedtime, especially about how much I love them. I will say something, and this has happened now twice, they twist it around into how it means I don't love them! Like, one day I mentioned how I missed my alarm that morning so I didn't get to have my quiet time, and they took that as I wanted time without them because I don't love them. Another time I was talking about how I knew Aaron longer than they had been alive, and again, they interpreted it as me not loving them. Clearly they are working through stuff too, and it has been a good reminder to me to give them more assurances and demonstrations of my love than normal. It just caught me off guard, but I think it's them working through adding another member to our family, and my focus being a little different than it was before.<br /><br />We are having company the next two weeks (my brother Mark, and then my brother Ben and sis in law Angela), and we are so excited for that! So thankful for family, both here and far away!maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-65637046001721192822012-02-20T12:07:00.001-08:002012-02-25T07:03:28.611-08:00good thoughtsI have come across some great quotes/thoughts lately, and wanted to get them down here. They are about adoption and parenting, and have been so encouraging for me.<br /><br />This blog post was SO good. About asking the Lord to help you see your child the way He sees them, past all their behaviors, to who they truly are ( http://everybitterthingissweet.com/2012/02/taking-her-from-the-streets/).<br /><br />Love this quote, <span class="messageBody" ft="{"type":3}"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span>“If your kid came home from an orphanage they are a SURVIVOR. Praise God for their life & help them heal. -- Karyn Purvis<br /><br />This is something I wish I would have read before we got home with Hope, or a couple of days after. It's written by Melissa Faye Green who wrote the book, There is No Me Without You, about Ethiopian adoption. She had several things listed on her blog about what to do when you get home with your child, and these were a couple of them,<br /></span><span style="font-family:monospace;"><br /></span>"Put Feelings on a back-burner. This is not the time for Feelings. Live a material life instead: wake, dress, eat, walk. Let your hands and words mother the new child, don't pause to look back, to reflect, or to experience emotions. "Shut up, Emotions," you'll say. "I'll check back with you in six months to see if you've pulled yourselves together. But no whining meanwhile!"<br /><br />and<br /><br />"Let yourself off the hook. This is not your fault. You’ve done a grand thing—you’ve gone out into the world in search of a child and, despite every obstacle over tens of thousands of miles, you’ve brought the child home. It's all going to work out in time. Meanwhile, you’re exhausted. This is all really hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it. You’re doing fine. Just rest up, find something to laugh about, and give Feelings the month off."<br /><span class="messageBody" ft="{"type":3}"><br />And this wasn't about adoption, but parenting. This is SO easy for me to fall into, spending my day picking up messes and keeping up with chores instead of being intentional with my kids.<br /></span><p><strong>"Sin is what happens when our love gets disordered. </strong><strong>And it’s never worth disordering the heart to get a right-ordered house.</strong></p> <p><em>How is my love ordered? Towards a Better Homes and Gardens House? Or a better, holy, godly heart? </em></p> <p><strong>A right-ordered <em>house</em> isn’t virtuous like a right-ordered <em>heart</em>. </strong></p> <p>It’s true: I could close my eyes to the magma of mess. But the thing is: <strong>Love isn’t blind. Love is the holy sight.</strong></p> <p>Love has the long, real sight, that sees what won’t burn up. <strong><a href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/?p=2073">Love’s priorities are things unseen. " Ann Voscamp</a></strong></p><p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span><br /><strong></strong></p><p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span><br /><strong></strong></p><p><br /><strong></strong></p><p><strong><a href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/?p=2073"><br /></a></strong></p><p><br /><strong></strong></p><p><strong><a href="http://www.aholyexperience.com/?p=2073"><br /></a></strong></p><br /><span class="messageBody" ft="{"type":3}"><br /><br /></span>maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-55754814460149758862012-02-18T12:58:00.000-08:002012-02-18T13:26:34.552-08:00update<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iZaItluY7-M/T0AXaCqDvhI/AAAAAAAAAkg/1dsmfsezO74/s1600/P1040925.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iZaItluY7-M/T0AXaCqDvhI/AAAAAAAAAkg/1dsmfsezO74/s320/P1040925.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710590063663103506" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GNBzvHKOuEA/T0AXH3DQOOI/AAAAAAAAAkU/WWTnjL9wxzs/s1600/P1040921.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-GNBzvHKOuEA/T0AXH3DQOOI/AAAAAAAAAkU/WWTnjL9wxzs/s320/P1040921.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710589751309908194" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--xTIqy-W0-I/T0AW6T1TwFI/AAAAAAAAAkI/EQSUdN6WdqQ/s1600/P1040918.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--xTIqy-W0-I/T0AW6T1TwFI/AAAAAAAAAkI/EQSUdN6WdqQ/s320/P1040918.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710589518517878866" border="0" /></a><br />I really need to think of better titles for my posts! Oh well, an update is what it is. :) We have now been with Hope 8 weeks, 7 weeks home. I really can't imagine life without her here, it seems so strange that just a little over 2 months ago she was in Ethiopia, we were here, and she was not a physical part of our lives.<br /><br />We are adjusting, slowly but surely, some days better than others, but we are adjusting. She is sleeping better, only waking a couple times at night and not needing much to get her back to sleep. She is not hitting nearly as much, the boys or us, and her tantrums have also decreased. She is still not talking, but her sounds are changing, and she looks like she is really trying to talk. The look in her eyes is more earnest, like she is wanting us to know what she means. She is understanding so much more, and will follow simple commands. She is really starting to like her brothers and dad, and smiles at them and follows them everywhere. She has mastered going up the stairs, and is quite sneaky and fast which is slightly terrifying at times! Her eye contact is better, she will hold my gaze and meet my gaze from across the room. She has started giving hugs and kisses willingly again. And she and Isaac have had some sweet moments this last week. It's still hard for him at times, but he has asked her to play with him now once or twice, and has shown more love toward her.<br /><br />Things for me have been...okay. We have been staying home a lot more which is so good for both her and Isaac really, but harder for me. I feel pretty disconnected from friends, church, etc., and I know it's temporary and truly better for my family, but lonely too at times. And I have still been struggling with fear and doubt. I did realize today however, that no matter what we go through, no matter what the future holds for us, or how many hard days we have ahead, He will be with us. He knows the path our family will take, and not only will He lead us there, He will walk with us through it. I have struggled with feeling like we are doing the right thing in how we are parenting her, and being so worried about going backwards in our progress. I'm afraid of going back to the days right when we brought her home when everything was so hard, and her responses affected my responses, and I was not the mom I wanted or thought I would be. Attachment takes work, it's not always very natural, and sometimes that feels discouraging to me. But the truth is, we are not and never were alone in this process. He will give us wisdom, strength, joy and peace.<br /><br />This girl, with the deepest eyes and sweetest smiles, is my daughter. She is a blessing, a gift, and when we connect with each other, my heart just can't get enough. I am thankful beyond measure for her, for her place in our family, and for what our family is becoming because of her. She is truly changing us for the better.maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-51895071202140230722012-02-15T09:46:00.000-08:002012-02-18T12:50:55.209-08:00valentine's day 2012<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Q5i2IZE07zQ/T0AOXdxvPCI/AAAAAAAAAj8/0gQfSnhibIM/s1600/P1040917.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Q5i2IZE07zQ/T0AOXdxvPCI/AAAAAAAAAj8/0gQfSnhibIM/s320/P1040917.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710580123798813730" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-x4UI3YHE0TY/T0AOQwvGiUI/AAAAAAAAAjw/HhUwft0dbeY/s1600/P1040906.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-x4UI3YHE0TY/T0AOQwvGiUI/AAAAAAAAAjw/HhUwft0dbeY/s320/P1040906.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710580008628947266" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q2Gh0vOAqEg/T0AOHAfitDI/AAAAAAAAAjk/f77C9R00DfU/s1600/P1040908.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Q2Gh0vOAqEg/T0AOHAfitDI/AAAAAAAAAjk/f77C9R00DfU/s320/P1040908.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710579841059959858" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-d-45oRvR0lQ/T0AN8Cb8MMI/AAAAAAAAAjY/ZVUd_CQBnbY/s1600/P1040911.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-d-45oRvR0lQ/T0AN8Cb8MMI/AAAAAAAAAjY/ZVUd_CQBnbY/s320/P1040911.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710579652603162818" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1zbRNzdXXFY/T0ANxFiZthI/AAAAAAAAAjM/A8r3TzNlOvA/s1600/P1040913.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1zbRNzdXXFY/T0ANxFiZthI/AAAAAAAAAjM/A8r3TzNlOvA/s320/P1040913.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710579464457008658" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-or2X4zoTlWs/T0ANqAJtcMI/AAAAAAAAAjA/gJotnoJbOxo/s1600/P1040915.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-or2X4zoTlWs/T0ANqAJtcMI/AAAAAAAAAjA/gJotnoJbOxo/s320/P1040915.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710579342752182466" border="0" /></a> *Eli spilled his sparkling grape juice which is funny because he is the kid who always manages to spill his drink and get wet.<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dNPbcjZf5Aw/T0ANiVbwE_I/AAAAAAAAAi0/rGv3IumZ1Wk/s1600/P1040916.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dNPbcjZf5Aw/T0ANiVbwE_I/AAAAAAAAAi0/rGv3IumZ1Wk/s320/P1040916.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710579211026043890" border="0" /></a> *Hope really was here too! She was just running around everywhere. :)<br /><br /><br />We had a great Valentine's Day! For some reason, I just felt like celebrating it more this year, so I tried to plan a little bit more in advance to try and make it special. And I think it was, I certainly went to bed feeling loved and so thankful for the ones in my house I am blessed to love.<br /><br />I found this valentine e-book online that you could download for free with fun ideas and recipes. The first thing that caught my eye, was homemade red velvet donuts. They were baked instead of fried, and I could substitute some ingredients to make them at least a little more healthy. :) I made them for breakfast and decorated our table a little. Isaac and I had also made these crayon stained glass hearts to hang up the day before. And my mom had left star wars valentines for the boys when they were here over the weekend, so I put those out too. The boys were excited when they came down for breakfast, and it was a fun start to the day.<br /><br />I helped out with Micah's valentine's party at school, and on our way home we picked up a heart pizza from Papa Murphy's for supper. Aaron's suggestion was chocolate fondue, so I made that for our dessert. I tried to make the table a little fancier (candles, special glasses, placemats), and put the boys valentine's gifts from us on our plates (what they call "comfy pants", but just athletic pants), and love letters that I had written them. Then we ate! And I read them their letters. That was just as good for me to do I think. To write what I love about them, what makes them special, and then read it to them. Aaron had some little games we played after supper, and then we all watched a little bit of our wedding video. Aaron and I actually got engaged on Valentine's Day 10 years ago. :)<br /><br />It really turned out to be a fun day. Sometimes when I have expectations for special days, they turn out nothing like I hoped they would. Thankfully this time they did, at least for the most part. :) When we were putting the boys to bed that night Micah asked, "So, when is St. Patrick's Day?" Let's just say we are always up for a party around here!<br /><br />And in true fashion, I have no pictures of all of my valentine's together. And you should have seen Hope, she was the cutest little valentine ever. I took some of the decorations and food, but not my own children, seriously not sure what my deal is. Actually, I think part of it is that food and decorations don't move, it's easy to take their picture! But, I am definitely going to try and take more pictures, easy or not. :)maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-92222949975412928992012-01-31T11:58:00.000-08:002012-01-31T12:17:50.808-08:0018 months<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QybjWjXxvIw/TyhMGgZxD_I/AAAAAAAAAio/QAfaDC1e79E/s1600/P1040889.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QybjWjXxvIw/TyhMGgZxD_I/AAAAAAAAAio/QAfaDC1e79E/s320/P1040889.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703892602725666802" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oazoDShF-bk/TyhMAEnGnPI/AAAAAAAAAic/fsC2sO1DB4A/s1600/P1040887.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oazoDShF-bk/TyhMAEnGnPI/AAAAAAAAAic/fsC2sO1DB4A/s320/P1040887.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703892492186197234" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RoyFVXbFdTw/TyhL5LWWkJI/AAAAAAAAAiQ/GrafWdEVyjk/s1600/P1040878.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RoyFVXbFdTw/TyhL5LWWkJI/AAAAAAAAAiQ/GrafWdEVyjk/s320/P1040878.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703892373735903378" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZK9FwmoMqE0/TyhLymEsKRI/AAAAAAAAAiE/gZFmJSCrTYM/s1600/P1040876.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZK9FwmoMqE0/TyhLymEsKRI/AAAAAAAAAiE/gZFmJSCrTYM/s320/P1040876.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703892260650494226" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y2wBe35AHPk/TyhLsFssx6I/AAAAAAAAAh4/bJHtHzHwivQ/s1600/P1040872.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Y2wBe35AHPk/TyhLsFssx6I/AAAAAAAAAh4/bJHtHzHwivQ/s320/P1040872.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703892148880721826" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G_QQFMZ4NRo/TyhLj6qXVvI/AAAAAAAAAhs/V6D_rOS3czg/s1600/P1040870.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-G_QQFMZ4NRo/TyhLj6qXVvI/AAAAAAAAAhs/V6D_rOS3czg/s320/P1040870.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703892008479184626" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nHTv2PD8K28/TyhLXlCIj8I/AAAAAAAAAhg/7jQymtZknyw/s1600/P1040860.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nHTv2PD8K28/TyhLXlCIj8I/AAAAAAAAAhg/7jQymtZknyw/s320/P1040860.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5703891796514869186" border="0" /></a><br />Hope turned 18 months old yesterday, a milestone we are finally together to celebrate! Not that we did celebrate really, but I thought about how I wished I would have gotten my act together to plan something special. Mostly I just enjoyed being with our sweet girl, and thanking the Lord over and over that she is with us.<br /><br />Here are some stats about Hope at 18 months:<br /><br />-she weighs 22 pounds, and has moved on from 12-18 month clothes to 18-24<br />-she loves to eat cream of wheat, bananas, sweet potatoes, apple sauce, any fruit baby food, peanut butter sandwiches, yogurt, and sometimes ground beef (like in meatloaf or lasagna)<br />-she only takes one bottle now, before bedtime<br />-she loves to read the book "brown bear, brown bear," and sings along with me when I read it to her (I sing it instead of read it), and we sing it every day at naptime<br />-she loves to push things, chairs, laundry baskets, stools, shopping carts<br />-she is great at finding all the drawers and cabinets she shouldn't get into :), we are working on more cabinet locks<br />-she loves bath time, and i give her one every morning<br />-she can wave goodbye, wave hello, and sign "all done"<br />-she is a great mess maker! i have walked into a bathroom filled with toilet paper, a kitchen full of sandwich baggies, and rooms full of laundry and hangers that she has dumped out of laundry baskets<br />-she gives the sweetest kisses<br />-she makes car noises when you push her around<br />-she loves balls<br />-she loves being outside, so thankful for the unusually nice days we have had lately!<br />-she likes being right in the middle of noise and chaos, but also wants me close by to check in with<br />-she has a little blanket that she loves and sleeps with<br />-she loves to help unload the dishwasher<br />-she is starting to like being rocked<br />-we call her "Hopey"<br />-she is a very busy girl, and hardly ever is in one place or position for very long<br /><br />Hopey, I am so thankful to know all of these things about you, to hold you and kiss you, and watch you grow. You are a gift to us!maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-36642047811124867122012-01-24T11:51:00.001-08:002012-01-28T08:34:30.392-08:00one monthTomorrow will mark one month that we have been with our girl. I'm not sure how it has already been a month, yet I distinctly remember feeling like the first two weeks were the longest of my life. :) I feel like we are really starting to settle in, all of us. Hope has been doing so well, she really rolls with the punches, and not too much seems to faze her. She has slept the last 4 nights without needing us to come into her room, and has taken good naps every day. Her eating seems like it is getting better too, like she is willing to try a few more textures. We have had few more outings, although not too many. I am kind of a homebody at heart, so I really haven't minded being home, and actually think I may need to be a little more intentional about getting out and introducing her to more people and places.<br /><br />The boys are doing great, we definitely had more meltdowns and emotions those first two weeks, but those have seemed to decrease. Isaac now has a "love" jar for Hope; he gets to add rocks to it when he is kind, patient, gentle, etc., but also has to remove one if he is not. He has struggled the most, understandably, and I pray everyday that I would see and understand how to meet the needs of my kids, especially when they seem to be struggling. Hopefully this will help, that and more one on one time. Actually, they all need more of that, and Aaron and I have talked a little bit about what that will look like. Micah has named himself the "Hope Helper", and is so quick to try and do just that. Both he and Eli are so sweet with her, and she is the first thing on their minds when they get up or have been gone. They also love to pick out her clothes, but I have to say that is a little harder for me to give up because I love doing that too! :)<br /><br />*So in typical fashion, I started this several days ago, and am just now getting if finished. I am so thankful it is Saturday, that we don't have a schedule, and that everyone is home together. The rest of the week was more challenging for us, getting along as a family, sleeping, etc.<br /><br />We took Hope to get her blood drawn yesterday for a bunch of tests, and it was pretty traumatic. We probably would have waited even longer to go, but our doctor wanted to make sure we didn't need to start treating her for anything. Anyway, we went to Children's hospital, and Hope had to be stuck at least 6 times. Her veins kept blowing, whatever that means, so they had to stop and try in another spot. Needless to say, she HATED it, and fought and screamed pretty hard the whole time. So hard to see your kids in pain, but after it was done she was totally fine, smiling and just wanting to walk around and explore everywhere.<br /><br />And eventually I will get more pictures posted. We are basically the worst picture takers of all time, so hopefully we will start doing a better job of that!maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-18066527651173656262012-01-18T05:20:00.000-08:002012-01-19T04:41:10.078-08:00Well, yesterday marked our first day in the "real world" as my mom headed back to Oklahoma. When I think for a bit about her time with us (and every time she has come when I have had a baby), it just amazes me. Somehow she manages to serve us (cooking, cleaning, laundry, help with boys) every day all day, and actually makes us feel like we are doing her a favor by letting her be there! I think that really is the true nature of a servant, someone who serves completely unselfishly, but never lets on through their words or attitude or actions that they feel like they are serving. So amazing, and I am so thankful.<br /><br />And, overall yesterday went well. Aaron took the boys to school, so Isaac, Hope and I spent the day at home, and then left in the afternoon to pick up Eli and Micah. We are in the car a long time, about an hour I think, but she did great. As long as I kept a steady supply of animal crackers coming her way. :) And then last night Aaron had a visitation and viewing for his sweet Grandaddy who passed away last Sunday, so it was the 5 of us, and I'm happy to report that everyone was in bed by 8:00. Actually Hope was in bed around 7:20 or so, she started to melt down big time around 7. At one point the boys were all just staring at her as she laid on the floor face first and screamed because I decided to sit on the floor instead of the couch. :)<br /><br />There are definitely things that are better this week with our transition, and definitely things we are still trying to figure out. Hope will drink from a sippy cup now, and the last two days she has gone down for a nap without crying and standing back up when I put her down. She is also doing much better with the boys, but she really wants to be the one who sets the boundaries on their relationship. She prefers to initiate things with them, as opposed to being a bit manhandled, and really, who can blame her? :) But, she likes to be where they are, and follows them all over the house. Today for the first time since we have been home I felt like she likes us and is happy to be here. Her eyes are different when she looks at me, more open like a guard has been taken down. And she is smiling so much more. And sleeping better too, hooray! At least last night she slept all night, so thankful.<br /><br />And my heart is also doing so much better. I was thinking about the "ugliness" that I have seen in myself, and how actually in a way I am thankful for it. I'm not sure I would have even known it was there, it was buried so deeply and truly something I have not experienced before, but now that I know it is there I can submit it and ask the Lord to change and redeem it. I am so aware of how much I need Him, how very limited my own abilities and strength are, and how truly "desperately wicked" the condition of my heart is without the grace of God. I'm definitely not done dealing with it, I was thinking today I so wish my response to her or really anyone was the same regardless of their actions toward me, that my love for others was truly unconditional. And that that unconditional love would dictate my actions, and not my feelings in the moment. Lifelong lessons I have a feeling, but by His grace...maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-54925367975662028362012-01-10T12:05:00.001-08:002012-01-11T05:46:28.166-08:00processingThere has been a lot happening in our house the last few days. And in us. Some of it is lovely and fun, some of it is confusing and frustrating, and some of it is harsh and ugly. I have dealt with more emotions than I will ever be comfortable with, my poor husband and mom can testify to that! I think what has taken me so off guard, is that I have felt and continue to feel off and on, anything less than complete and utter joy and thankfulness that our girl is home. I definitely have felt that, but I have also felt other things too that I don't like, don't want, and don't really know what to do with.<br /><br />I remember reading other families updates when they got home with their kids, and reading that adjusting was really hard. I just wanted to be at that point though, I felt ready to be at that hard place instead of the hard place we were in. Well, we are here, and it is hard. :) I have come to understand more and more that attachment is truly a two-way street. I knew that going in, but it's hard to really understand until you are in it. And it has nothing to do with her. Intellectually I completely understand why sleeping is hard for her, why she doesn't want to eat what I make for her, or drink from a sippy cup. I understand why she doesn't yet love her brothers they way they love her, or why she only wants me. But my feelings don't always match what I know in my head to be true. What I feel is that it's hard to give up control to a 17 month old who has behaviors that my boys never did, and parent her in a completely different way than we did our boys, at least for now. I have seen my pride and selfishness raise their ugly heads and try to take over again and again. You know you always hear that becoming a parent shows how sinful you are, well try adopting and it brings it to a whole new level. I have been journaling daily my prayers to the Lord, and they usually start with, "Lord, I am sorry for..."<br /><br />Colossians 3:12-14 have become my mantra all throughout the day;<br /> "Therefore as God's chosen people holy and dearly loved clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against each other. Forgive as the Lord forgave you, and over all these virtues put on love which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."<br /><br />And I am thankful. I in no way want to be someone who looks for the hard parts of life. Our girl is home, and that is a huge deal! It's a dream fulfilled and hundreds of prayers answered. I think it's okay though to be honest about what we are going through too. I did make a quick list of prayers the Lord has answered, certainly not all of them, but I wanted to take some time and just be thankful.<br /><br />1. She is HOME!!!<br />2. Aaron and I were a great team in Ethiopia.<br />3. All our luggage made it with us, there and back.<br />4. We didn't get sick while in Ethiopia<br />5. Our boys did great at home<br />6. No one else got the stomach flu (Micah got it the night before we left)<br />7. Hope attached to me right away<br />8. We were able to stay in the guest house we wanted to the whole trip (we thought we were going to have to go somewhere else for one night)<br />9. Hope slept several hours on the flights home<br />10. She did not get sick on the way home<br />11. Aaron finally felt better when we landed in Omaha (he got the stomach flu on our flight from Frankfurt to Chicago, and was sick until we landed at home)<br />12. Hope finally started to like the baby food I brought (lifesaver for the flights home)<br />13. She is eating great<br />14. She takes a nap every day<br />15. She goes to sleep easily<br />16. She is happy<br />17. She has not gotten sick<br />18. We were able to get to the dr. right away and get some meds for her to get rid of a parasite, before she got sick<br />19. My mom is here to help us<br />20. We have amazing friends and family who have prayed, and are praying for us<br />21. Eli and Micah love her<br />22. Isaac played with her today<br />23. She loves baths<br />24. She doesn't mind her highchair/ carseat<br />25. She can wear all the clothes we had for her<br />26. She is affectionate<br />27. She loves Aaron, and smiles at him all the time<br />28. She is not overly fearfulmaryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-5596539090432064912012-01-05T11:38:00.000-08:002012-01-07T05:29:29.066-08:00moments<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hWVUEFxegWc/TwhHSOq6JzI/AAAAAAAAAhU/UoaIG6vaiy4/s1600/P1040848.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hWVUEFxegWc/TwhHSOq6JzI/AAAAAAAAAhU/UoaIG6vaiy4/s320/P1040848.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5694880107311277874" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BEbPV9oK1uc/TwhHAoYk0GI/AAAAAAAAAhI/xQXCwxR0LMI/s1600/P1040849.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BEbPV9oK1uc/TwhHAoYk0GI/AAAAAAAAAhI/xQXCwxR0LMI/s320/P1040849.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5694879804976058466" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QNPpDbBaPmk/TwhGzheeH-I/AAAAAAAAAg8/-sDMXEJMryc/s1600/P1040851.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QNPpDbBaPmk/TwhGzheeH-I/AAAAAAAAAg8/-sDMXEJMryc/s320/P1040851.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5694879579783438306" border="0" /></a><br />Today has been a good day. Right now, Hope is sleeping, Isaac is having rest time, and I am having hot chocolate. :) We have had some sweet moments yesterday and today that I want to thank the Lord for. Yesterday afternoon our entire family was on the trampoline, and Hope loved it! Most of the time she sat in my lap, but when she wanted to get up, everyone else had to stand perfectly still so she wouldn't go tumbling too hard. It was so nice to just laugh, and enjoy each other.<br /><br />*I'm not exactly sure what day I wrote that, but it is now Saturday morning, early. Hope slept all night last night, I can't believe it! She went down around 8, and it's now 5:43 and she is still sleeping. Praise the Lord!<br /><br />We went to the doctor Wednesday, and he thought she looked great. She has a skin issue that needs medication and also a parasite (that she has zero symptoms for at this point) that also needs meds. She also got 4 shots, which I'm not sure was the best idea, but now she is good for a couple of months. We need to take her at some point and get a bunch of lab work done, but I've heard it's pretty traumatic, so we are waiting a bit on this one. She is also in the 21% for weight, and the 26% for height which is so good!<br /><br />She is just doing so well. At first I was worried that we were in a honeymoon phase, and things were going to get super hard, and they still might, but I am trying to just enjoy every good day, and celebrate every victory we have. Not borrow trouble, as my mom would say!<br /><br />She is still eating great, a couple of nights ago we had meatloaf and sweet potatoes, and she chowed down! She really loves to eat, and can eat quite a bit for someone so little. :)<br /><br />The big boys went back to school Thursday, so it has been QUIET around here. I think she may be a bit relieved by that, they love her so much, but it's a lot for her to take in. She and Isaac have been playing a little bit, they even took a 5 minute bath together until she grabbed his foot which he did NOT appreciate. :) Last night she was crawling all over Eli and Micah while we were trying to watch a movie, but they loved it. That is even an improvement from when we first came home, and she kept her distance.<br /><br />My mom has been staying with us, such a life-saver! She has been taking the boys to school, making meals, keeping up with laundry, and anything else we need. It is such a huge blessing to really just focus on our family, and because she is here we have been able to do that. The boys are adjusting well, but we have had some hard moments too. And just to have an extra pair of hands to help with basic things has made a big difference.<br /><br />Aaron has been absolutely incredible. I have been dealing with some emotional stuff I was not expecting or prepared for, and he has been so patient and sweet. He has even taken over getting up with her at night, no complaining or snide comments, just a sincere desire to help. My mom said something along the lines of God giving him extra broad shoulders that can carry a lot, and he really can. He is the most unselfish person I know, and I don't even have the right words to describe how much I love him, and what an amazing gift he is.maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-74317338312666121202012-01-04T15:08:00.001-08:002012-01-04T15:47:09.072-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pQ1pLThAb8I/TwTjx-lk_6I/AAAAAAAAAgw/L2o36mnnPOo/s1600/IMG_2544.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-pQ1pLThAb8I/TwTjx-lk_6I/AAAAAAAAAgw/L2o36mnnPOo/s320/IMG_2544.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5693926276656856994" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uXD6JIL2HzU/TwTjlsCulrI/AAAAAAAAAgk/E3joHsnYeJA/s1600/IMG_2562.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-uXD6JIL2HzU/TwTjlsCulrI/AAAAAAAAAgk/E3joHsnYeJA/s320/IMG_2562.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5693926065520416434" border="0" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DhMoTjSYGJw/TwTjd4fWPtI/AAAAAAAAAgY/gctTMGtxHIc/s1600/IMG_2549.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DhMoTjSYGJw/TwTjd4fWPtI/AAAAAAAAAgY/gctTMGtxHIc/s320/IMG_2549.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5693925931422727890" border="0" /></a><br />We have been home now 4 days, I have to stop every so often and just remind myself we are really here! We have our daughter home, she is actually sleeping in her bed, she is wearing her clothes, and running after (or away!) from her brothers.<br /><br />Overall, I would say things are going really well. She seems so adaptable, nothing seems to faze her very much. She still very much prefers me, and will run over to me with a big smile on her face. She has really warmed up to Aaron, and has gone to him willingly a couple of times which is a big deal. Things that I thought would be hard for her, don't really seem to be, like the carseat and highchair. She is eating well, as long as everything is pretty mushy, and sleeping pretty good too. She goes down at night about 8, and usually wakes up a few times in the night, but sometimes will soothe herself back to sleep. I did have to give her a bottle last night around 11, but then she slept until 6 :30. She also takes a nap, right now it has been late morning, for around 2 hours. She still takes bottles, at her foster house they gave her one after every meal, and woke her up at night to give her one too. Right now, that is easiest way to get her to fall asleep, both for naps and if she wakes up at night. She also hasn't had any tummy issues yet.<br /><br />The boys are really sweet with her. Eli loves to kiss her forehead, he will smooth back her hair and give her kiss after kiss. Micah loves to hold her hand, and Isaac is warming up to her more and more. She seems to like Isaac the most right now, which is sort of funny since he was the one of the three who wasn't so sure about her. :)<br /><br />It's definitely not all easy though. I have been struggling with worry and fear over wanting to do everything perfectly as far as attachment and bonding go. So much so, that I don't think I have enjoyed just being home with her very much yet. I just keep thinking we have so much ground to make up, we can't take anything for granted. I also haven't really processed through the last 2 weeks, everything happened so incredibly fast, and with quite a bit of stress involved. I have felt worried about the boys too, and not being enough for them with trying to be enough for her. I just feel so incredibly unsure about everything. There is so much we don't know, and I just don't want to do anything that will set us back. It's hard bringing a new little person into your family, especially one who we just don't know very well yet, and who doesn't know us. We are also still jet-lagged, and around 3:30 or 4 in the afternoon, I start longing for sleep.<br /><br />1 John 4:18-19 has been two verses I have thought a lot about both for me and for Hope, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us." I can, and need to experience perfect love because of what Christ has done for me. And I want to offer that kind of love to Hope. Love that is not based on actions, or feelings, but that is unconditional and constant, and there regardless of what she does or doesn't do. I can only offer that to her through Christ working in my own heart, and that is what I am praying He continues to do.maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-12469772332740688282012-01-03T10:43:00.000-08:002012-01-03T10:47:42.779-08:00<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Friday, December 30</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">We all woke up this morning in great moods! We had breakfast, Hope decided she did like some of the baby food I brought, and the rice cereal, and then we went to pick up her embassy paperwork. She has an Ethiopian passport, but will become a U.S. citizen as soon as we enter the U.S. Then we went to this jewelery place that sells beautiful handmade bracelets, necklaces, and earrings made by single women with HIV. They make it to earn a living for themselves and their families using old artillery. It is really amazing handiwork, and of course after we left I wished we would have bought more. :)</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">The rest of the day, we hung out and started packing up. Hope also played a little today with the other little girl at our guest house. It was such a blessing to spend time with this family, and the other couples there, and I am so thankful for the opportunity to have gotten to know them. I felt like overall we had what we needed, thanks to lots of advice and packing lists. Hope never really got sick, so I had a lot more clothes and diapers for her than we needed. And we ended up eating more food from local restaurants than I thought we would, so we had a lot more food too left over too.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Our plane left Friday night at 11:37pm, and we got there around 9:00. Hope had slept about an hour before we left, but was wide awake in the airport. It was so packed! We stood in a lot of lines, but were finally ready to take off. Thankfully for this flight we had the bulkhead seats which we put a bassinet for her to sleep, and she did! She slept about 6 hours or so, and was awake the last hour. We flew to Frankfurt and had about a 5 hour layover there. We tried to get an earlier flight, but would have had to pay a few hundred dollars. It actually wasn't too bad, we got some food, and she basically ran around and played that entire time in a corner of a deserted gate. The next flight however, was pretty excruciating. First of all I thought it was going to be a 6 hour flight, however it was 9. And we were in the way back of the plane in the middle isle, so we were also squished. She slept for about 3 ½ hours or so which was great, but seriously what do yo do for 5 ½ hours with a 17 month old on an airplane?? She ate a lot, walked around the plane, played with her toys, and cried,and we basically repeated that over and over and over again. Oh, and Aaron got the stomach flu on this flight too, so he was pretty much out of commission. I definitely felt some moments of panic thinking, what are we going to do for the next (3,4,5) hours? Anyway, we finally made it to Chicago, and had another 4 hour layover. It was just so good to be off the plane, and so close to home. Aaron was still feeling terrible, so after we went through customs and security, we found our gate and he crashed. Hope was in a great mood, running all over the place and being her cute friendly little self. Finally it was time to board our final flight home. Hope fell asleep and was out the whole flight, and Aaron was so miserable until he threw up again on the airplane, a first for him. :( I can't even describe the relief I was feeling at coming home. I missed my boys incredibly, and had been longing for this day for so long. It did not disappoint. There was a great crowd to greet us, our friends and family have truly been so amazing, and gave us such a wonderful welcome home.<br /></p>maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-71371115000792988392012-01-03T10:41:00.000-08:002012-01-03T10:42:56.913-08:00<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Thursday, December 29</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Well, we had another rough night last night. She did not sleep well at all, so restless and cried throughout the night. We had another nice, quiet day at the guest house. Aaron went out for a while and got a couple of souvenirs, and he and I went to an art gallery just down the alley from the guest house. The art there is amazing, and the artists themselves are there to show you there pieces and talk about them. That was one thing we really wanted to bring home this trip, an Ethiopian painting, and we found one we both really loved. For dinner tonight we went with the other families at the guest house to a traditional Ethiopian restaurant, and left Hope with a caregiver. She did awesome, and went to sleep perfectly for her. I felt both so relieved, totally confused, and a bit of a failure. :) I think she really sleeps better in her own bed. And, the caregiver was actually one from one of her foster care houses, so she felt totally comfortable with her. The dinner was so fun! They had a big buffet of beautiful Ethiopian food, and while we were eating they had musicians, singers, and dancers. We came back and went to bed pretty quickly, expecting Hope to be awake a lot of the night. But, she slept great! She woke up once, I gave her a bottle, put her back in her bed, and she slept until 7:00!!! So exciting!</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in"><br /></p>maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-56229076623183801662012-01-03T10:38:00.000-08:002012-01-03T10:41:31.279-08:00<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Wednesday, December 28</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Last night for dinner we went out with two other families to a great restaurant called Island Breeze. The food in Ethiopia is really so good, and they have basically everything, italian, chinese, american, and really good pizza. It was fun to get out for a while and Hope did great. It was our first time riding with her in a car, and they don't have carseats, so I just held her. We also gave her a bath last night, and she didn't love it, but didn't scream too much either. I felt a little more prepared for bedtime, and swaddled her for the first time. It helped me hold her better, and I felt a little more in control. Before, she would flail around everywhere, and I would just have to change positions constantly while trying very hard not to drop her as she tried to launch herself out of my arms. She fought for about 20 minutes with all her strength, but finally fell asleep. I put her in her crib, and she slept about an 1 ½ before waking up. I gave her a bottle and then brought her in our bed where she slept the rest of the night without waking up crying! And she woke up about 5:30, but fell back asleep until 6:30. It was so much better than last night! I'm still not sleeping a ton, because I am just waiting for her to wake up, and I am totally not used to sleeping with a kiddo in our bed, but it was definitely more restful.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">This morning we had our embassy appointment at nine which ended up being so easy. I was nervous about it, that they would ask us a bunch of questions, we wouldn't have the right paperwork, etc., but it was so simple. Everyone is in this big room, and when they call your name you go up to this window, sort of like at a bank. The guy there had our file, and had Aaron sign something, had us swear that all our info was correct, and asked us one question about Hope's birthparents. That was it! No more paperwork, or anything, and we can pick up her visa Friday morning. It literally took about 10 minutes. It's funny thinking how much work has to be done and redone, all for an interview that is just minutes long.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">After our embassy appointment we went back to her foster care house for a coffee ceremony. We walked into the yard of the house, and all the kids from her room were outside playing. Several of them yelled her name and came up to her and hugged and kissed her. And all the caregivers were so happy to see her. She also has a little friend there, and they were unbelievably cute together. They were laughing, and interacting with each other, you could absolutely tell they were so happy to see one another. Her special mother wasn't there, I guess she is on leave for about 2 weeks, so another caregiver took her and changed her into a traditional Ethiopian dress. We played outside for a while with all the kids, it's funny how some of them are so outgoing and will climb right up into your lap, and others are very shy. Hope seemed totally fine with everything. I really wasn't sure how it would go, if she would be upset about going back, or if she wouldn't want to leave again with us, but she really seemed fine. After a while they took all the kids in to eat lunch, which was interesting to see. There are kids her age, and ones that are older, so the older ones sat at a little table and fed themselves and the younger ones took turns being fed by the caregivers. They fed Hope too, some crackers or cookies mixed with milk and mushed up and a bottle of milk. After she ate we walked over to another house and had the coffee ceremony. There was a girl there who first roasted the coffee beans, then ground them, and then made them into coffee. It was so good, but so strong! She served it in little teacups, and if you kept drinking it, she would refill it for you. I had about 2 ½ cups on an empty stomach, and was a little shaky afterward. :) Again it was a blessing to see the women who have raised Hope and taken care of her. They truly love those kids, and the foster care homes are a peaceful and happy place. At the same time, it was good for me to see that as good as a home like that is, it really isn't a family, and I am so thankful for the opportunity to offer that to Hope.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">On the way home, Hope fell asleep in the car which was huge because she has never fallen asleep peacefully with us. She has so far only fallen asleep after fighting with all of her strength. We came back to the guest house and talked to the other families for a while before I decided to try and lay her down for a nap because she was acting tired. I swaddled her again, and she whimpered a bit, but again fell asleep peacefully! I almost cried with relief. I'm not sure if we have turned a corner or not with this, but I am just so thankful that her heart and mind were more trusting of me and she felt more secure. I am praying this only continues and grows!</p>maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-30979328648967211692012-01-03T10:35:00.000-08:002012-01-03T10:38:41.380-08:00<p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Tuesday, December 27</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">The rest of Monday went well. One thing we are learning is that Hope fights sleep with everything in her little body. She fights naps, and she REALLY fights bedtime. Last night we started putting her down around 6:40 or so, and she fought hard for an hour, slept about 45 minutes, woke up screaming and fought it again. The rest of the night she would sleep for 30-60 minutes and just wake up crying so hard, wanting me to hold her, but pushing me away, hitting me, arching her back and use every ounce of energy to keep herself awake. Aaron said last night in the midst of it, that she is a fighter, and she really is! Finally around 3:30am she passed out for good and slept until a little after 7. She only wants me to hold her, so Aaron and I can't really take turns, and I am feeling the exhaustion setting in. When she is awake during the day she is so happy, but she kind of transforms into another little person at night. I just keep praying for strength, grace, and patience.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">She also is eating a lot better. She has wanted nothing to do with any of the baby food we brought, so one of the girls who works at the guest house made her some ground chickpeas with injera, and she ate a ton of that! She took a 2 ½ hour nap this morning from 10:30-1:00, after fighting it for about an hour. After having three boys who never had any sleep issues at all, this has definitely been the hardest part so far. I think that either she is grieving, and it comes out at night, or she is afraid. They brought her to us during her nap, so I don't know if she is afraid of falling asleep? Not to mention every other aspect of her life is totally different, so I'm sure is is incredibly insecure.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">We are also seeing more of her personality come out, and she is quite the little spit fire! We have had a few tantrums, and discovered she is quite adept at hitting. :) We have spent our days so far at the guesthouse, playing in our room or outside in the yard, or in the living room of the main house. There are three other families staying here too, and one of them picked up their daughter today. She is basically like Hope was her first day, pretty scared and unresponsive. But, hopefully they will have chances to play together later on.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">It's been fun to see Hope get a little braver about exploring her world too. The first day she didn't move around much, but today she is everywhere, opening things, putting things in her mouth, and acting more and more just like any other 17 month old.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">It's been weird to really have no where to go, or nothing on the agenda except to be with each other. I am so thankful we are getting this time, and praying for the bonding to continue and grow. It's so surreal thinking about where we were even two weeks ago, and so comforting that God knew all along when this next part of our lives would begin. And He is here with us now, in the midst of getting to know our daughter and her getting to know us. It is definitely not an easy process, but it is good.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in"><br /></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in"><br /></p>maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-24072628380140534142012-01-03T09:55:00.000-08:002012-01-03T10:34:55.259-08:00<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I'm going to post about our trip, just so we have a record of it somewhere. I don't want to forget any of these details!<br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Monday, December 26</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">It's hard to even know how to start this, but I don't want to forget anything about these last few days. Coming to Ethiopia for the 2<sup>nd</sup> time, this time to have our daughter with us, and knowing we will be bringing her home has been so different. Wonderfully different. The stress, and anxiety, the weight of waiting, all that is gone. I don't feel sick to my stomach, and I find myself thinking more about the future again. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">The night before we left, Thursday, Micah came down with the stomach flu. He ended up throwing up twice Thursday night, and 2 more times during the night (poor guy didn't even call for us), and when he woke up Friday morning he still looked so sick and felt pretty bad. We had to be at the airport by 11, and needed to drop the boys off first at Aaron's mom's, so we didn't really have much time to make a decision. I didn't feel like I could leave him, he was so sick, and I didn't want anyone else to get sick either, so Aaron called the travel agency. There really weren't any good options for postponing, plus we had our embassy appointment set, and they would be closed until the 27<sup>th</sup>. Anyway, we prayed about it, called both of our families, and finally decided we would go. Right after we prayed, my mom called us again, and told us to go. Micah started feeling better, and by the time we left he was fine.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">Our trip here was uneventful and long, and thankfully all of our bags made it with us! We arrived Saturday night around 9:30, and met another family who is also staying at the Bejoe guest house with us. We also got to see our driver again from our last trip, Bruke. Sunday we woke up bright and early, and spent the morning talking with the other family staying here. Around 1:30, they brought Hope to us. Bless her heart, she was so scared. And she was sick, and it was right in the middle of her nap time. She whimpered a lot, and I will never forget the look on her face. We held her, rocked her and took her back to our room where she promptly threw up. We both just felt terrible for her. I knew it would be hard for her, but I didn't really understand it until I saw her face. I know what we can give her in terms of a parents and a family is really good, but giving up everything she has and being left with two strangers in a strange place is incredibly traumatic. She finally fell asleep in my arms and I just held her while she slept. When she woke up she seemed better, more calm, and like she felt better too. We sat on the bed, and looked at her book (she had the little photo album we had sent for her birthday, and would not let go of it), and then I showed her another little bear we had brought. We still didn't know if she could walk or not, but all of a sudden she stood up on the bed. I set her on the floor, and she just took off! She has clearly been walking for quite some time! We played in our room for a while, and after a few hours we saw her first smile. She is really quiet, but will definitely let you know if she doesn't like something! Her caregivers had sent a couple different kinds of medicine, something for her throat, and actual little pills she is supposed to take. They look like aspirin, and we have not had much luck in getting her to take those. She fought sleep hard last night, but went down about 8. She woke up crying pretty hard at 9:20, and would not go back in her crib. So, she slept between us last night, she was pretty restless, but went back to sleep easily when she would wake up.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in">And this morning she woke up happy, and ready to go. She still is not eating much, she won't touch any of the baby food I brought, and is drinking only a little bit of milk. But she is smiling and laughing so much more today, and she gives me so many hugs and snuggles. She isn't as attached to Aaron yet, but we are working on that. Not pushing her, but giving him opportunities to be with her and give her special attention. I just can't believe we are with her, she is unbelievably cute, and I am just so thankful.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in"><br /></p>maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-51989298875809036202012-01-02T04:20:00.000-08:002012-01-02T06:09:55.476-08:00home<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B5L7FG7uUIU/TwG6pxIO9xI/AAAAAAAAAgM/s0jTcllhddM/s1600/IMG_2523.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B5L7FG7uUIU/TwG6pxIO9xI/AAAAAAAAAgM/s0jTcllhddM/s320/IMG_2523.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5693036630698293010" border="0" /></a><br />"Together is a wonderful place to be." We are home, together, and so, so thankful. :)maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-81477025315013147462011-12-17T13:28:00.000-08:002011-12-17T18:38:29.835-08:00whirlwind (but a good one!)Holy Cow, it has been a crazy, but wonderful last couple of days! Friday morning I checked e-mail at 5:00am on my way to the gym, and saw the email from Addis Adoption with the subject, Clearance-Shawl. (Yes, they did spell our name wrong!) I sucked in my breath, opened it and read the words I have been hoping to read for so many months, YOU ARE CLEARED TO COME FOR YOUR VISA INTERVIEW!!!! Aauugghh! I started crying and laughing, ran upstairs and woke up Aaron, ran back downstairs and re-read it over and over. Aaron came down pretty quickly after that, I did not make it to the gym, and we just sat there, overwhelmed and feeling like we were in a dream.<br /><br />Then we started looking at plane tickets, talking about when we could leave, and thanking and praising the Lord for such a wonderful gift. It appears that the embassy has openings for interviews right away, like next week, but we need to confirm a time with them which we are hoping to do on Monday. Right now we are thinking tentatively about leaving Sunday, Christmas day, and being there about a week. I haven't allowed myself to really think about this step for so long, or prepare for it at all, so Aaron and I are both feeling a little overwhelmed about this next week. My response to everything apparently is to do the things that are of least importance, like planning her outfits, while Aaron's response is to do nothing while continually lamenting about how much he has to do. We are quite the pair right now! :) But so, so, so thankful for the Lord leading us to this next step, and praying for His continued guidance and wisdom.<br /> <br />I have also been so thankful for the many friends and family around us who have walked with us through this process. One good friend of mine brought a "celebration lunch" over on Friday, and it was especially sweet because she was the same friend who brought dinner over after we got back from our first trip. It was so great to celebrate with her this time with tears of joy instead of sorrow. And there are so many others who have prayed for us faithfully, listened, spoken words of encouragement and wisdom, and truly helped us carry this burden. I know we are beginning a whole new stage of this journey, that may well be even harder than what we have gone through already, but I just can't wait to tell Hope all about everyone who has loved her before ever knowing her.maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3575489403008211160.post-18623557075643472502011-12-13T09:48:00.000-08:002011-12-16T03:45:27.143-08:00unsettledThis week has both dragged and flown by at the same time, and I find myself just wishing it was over. We did hear from the embassy Tuesday morning; what I like to call the "no response, response." Monday night I slept terribly. Every dream I had was about hearing from the embassy, and most of the time what we heard back from them wasn't good, or what we were hoping to hear. I tossed and turned until my alarm finally went off, and I hurried downstairs to check my e-mail. The embassy sends their responses early, early in the morning so I knew if we were going to hear anything today it would already be in my inbox. There was nothing in mine, but I checked Aaron's too, and they had sent a response to him. It was basically that they had our file and were reviewing it, and to give them 5 business days before contacting them again. (Which I did think to myself, really?? It's not like this is something I ordered online, and am waiting to have delivered. This is my child! Why wouldn't I contact you every day all day until you give me an answer?! Not really sure what we are going to do, but that's was just my first thought. :) )<br /><br />I have to say, it was kind of a downer. I have been trying so hard not to get ahead of myself, not to get my hopes up, and really giving everything to the Lord continually. But, I realized I am not a robot. Just because I want to do something in a certain way, or feel or not feel something, I am human. My heart and my emotions are real, and while I can and need to submit my thoughts and feelings to Christ, I don't really know how to stop them from coming. And I don't think I need to beat myself up for struggling with them. It's an opportunity for surrender. I think I'm just a little scared of going back to that dark place in my heart that was SO HARD. Where I felt alone, and forgotten, and disappointed so much of the time. The Lord has done a lot in my heart, and has brought me out of that into a new place of trust with Him. But, I am not done struggling with those feelings, and honestly probably won't ever be! I am weary, and so is Aaron, but I know that means His grace and strength are greater.<br /><br />This morning I read this, "The word trust is the heart word of faith. It is the Old Testament word, the word given to the early and infant stage of faith. The word faith expresses more the act of the will, the word belief the act of the mind or intellect, but trust is the language of the heart. The other has reference, more to a truth believed or a thing expected. Trust implies more than this, it sees and feels and leans upon a person, a great, true, living heart of love. So let us 'trust also in him,' through all the delays, in spite of all the difficulties, in the face of all the denials, notwithstanding all the seemings, even when we cannot understand the way, and know not the issue; still 'trust also in him, and he will bring it to pass.' The way will open, the right issue will come, the end will be peace, the cloud will be lifted, and the light of eternal noonday shall shine at last."maryhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13204475254315139815noreply@blogger.com0