Thursday, March 3, 2011
There has been so many thoughts running through my mind about adoption lately. Trying to explain where we are in this process is tough right now because we actually don't know either. I have been thinking about it in terms of running a marathon. When you start preparing for a marathon you know it is going to be hard. You know it's going to be long. People who have already done it give you advice about how to train, what shoes to buy, which course is the best. You are prepared for a long hard race that will try your body in ways you never have before. But you love running, and you know the end will be totally worth all the time and effort along the way. You train for months, and then the big day of the race arrives. When you start you have so much excitement and adrenaline, you feel great, like you could run forever. You have prepared yourself well and are ready. Toward the middle you start feeling the effects of running so far, but you knew this would happen, so you keep going. Again you have prepared your body and mind. Up ahead you see the mile marker that indicates you have two miles left. Two miles! That is nothing, you have already run 24, but at the same time your body is almost at its end too, and you are very thankful the end is near. All of a sudden you get word from a race official that the finish line has been moved. And not only has it been moved, but you don't know its new location. It could be just around that final corner, or it could be another full marathon away. Or more. You. just. don't know. How do you prepare and process that?!
That's sort of where I feel like we are. What we thought was the downhill stretch in this "marathon" has turned into a race with no clear finish. Some days it makes me want to curl into a ball and just lay there. Which I have done. Some days it drives me to make plans and preparations. Which I have done. Every day it makes me cling to and seek the Lord like I never have before. There is so much we don't know right now, that I am holding on so tightly to what we do.
This is what I know:
This entire situation is not a surprise to the Lord.
Isaiah 46:10- "I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come. I say my purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please."
He is God, and there is no other.
Isaiah 45: 5a-" I am the Lord and there is no other; apart from me there is no other God."
He is enough.
Isaiah 46:4- "Even to your old age and gray hairs I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."
I can trust Him.
Isaiah 40:25-26, 28-31- "To whom will you compare me: Or who is my equal? says the Holy One. Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
Several families from our agency are taking the opportunity to fast and pray for 24 hours starting tonight. My heart in doing this is to re-focus, remind myself again of my incredible need for God and humble myself before Him. He is worthy of that all the time, not just in times of need, but I think sometimes we may have more clarity in those times. Praying that He accomplishes His great purposes...