One year ago today, at around 3:30 in the afternoon we got the referral for Hope Bezualem. She was tiny, only 6 weeks, with huge dark eyes. It was so surreal, seeing the face you have prayed for and dreamed about for so long, and a moment I will truly never forget. A little like finding out you are pregnant! This year has been one of the hardest I have experienced, the tension between having absolutely zero control over something you care about with every fiber in your being. I hope I have grown in ways that are good, I think I have. But, I have also found myself struggling with many of the same things over and over. Bottom line, I believe in God's goodness and trustworthiness, and am thankful for where He has led us. I don't necessarily feel that way every moment of every day, but that is what I hold on to, and eventually end up.
Our embassy paperwork hasn't been resubmitted yet, but hopefully sometime next week. Our agency wanted to get some more info together about Hope's family, just in case the embassy requests it. I am praying the embassy's questions will be satisfied with all the work that has already been done to bring us to this point, and we will be cleared next week. Resolution Lord, please let it be soon!
I'm beginning to know these feelings well, too Mary. I have also been praying that this time is used to grow me, and like you, I feel like I struggle with the same basic things over and over again. I find such comfort in trusting that my God is faithful, sovereign, and good, but my emotions don't always cooperate with those beliefs...but on the other hand, those beliefs are what are getting me through....and we still have SO MUCH MORE to go. Anyway, I want you to know there are those who "get it", and who can relate so well to what you're saying. And though I know I'll "get it" even more later, when we know who our son will be, know that I do get some of it, and we are praying for you, your family, and for precious Hope.
ReplyDeleteLaurie D
I know those feelings all too well. Praying for you guys. She is absolutely adorable! Let me know if you need anything.
ReplyDeleteDevon