Saturday, February 18, 2012
I really need to think of better titles for my posts! Oh well, an update is what it is. :) We have now been with Hope 8 weeks, 7 weeks home. I really can't imagine life without her here, it seems so strange that just a little over 2 months ago she was in Ethiopia, we were here, and she was not a physical part of our lives.
We are adjusting, slowly but surely, some days better than others, but we are adjusting. She is sleeping better, only waking a couple times at night and not needing much to get her back to sleep. She is not hitting nearly as much, the boys or us, and her tantrums have also decreased. She is still not talking, but her sounds are changing, and she looks like she is really trying to talk. The look in her eyes is more earnest, like she is wanting us to know what she means. She is understanding so much more, and will follow simple commands. She is really starting to like her brothers and dad, and smiles at them and follows them everywhere. She has mastered going up the stairs, and is quite sneaky and fast which is slightly terrifying at times! Her eye contact is better, she will hold my gaze and meet my gaze from across the room. She has started giving hugs and kisses willingly again. And she and Isaac have had some sweet moments this last week. It's still hard for him at times, but he has asked her to play with him now once or twice, and has shown more love toward her.
Things for me have been...okay. We have been staying home a lot more which is so good for both her and Isaac really, but harder for me. I feel pretty disconnected from friends, church, etc., and I know it's temporary and truly better for my family, but lonely too at times. And I have still been struggling with fear and doubt. I did realize today however, that no matter what we go through, no matter what the future holds for us, or how many hard days we have ahead, He will be with us. He knows the path our family will take, and not only will He lead us there, He will walk with us through it. I have struggled with feeling like we are doing the right thing in how we are parenting her, and being so worried about going backwards in our progress. I'm afraid of going back to the days right when we brought her home when everything was so hard, and her responses affected my responses, and I was not the mom I wanted or thought I would be. Attachment takes work, it's not always very natural, and sometimes that feels discouraging to me. But the truth is, we are not and never were alone in this process. He will give us wisdom, strength, joy and peace.
This girl, with the deepest eyes and sweetest smiles, is my daughter. She is a blessing, a gift, and when we connect with each other, my heart just can't get enough. I am thankful beyond measure for her, for her place in our family, and for what our family is becoming because of her. She is truly changing us for the better.