Thursday, August 25, 2011

it's back

The feeling is back. I had a lovely break from it for exactly 3 weeks, but this week it returned. This feeling of consuming urgency, waiting for any shred of information, feeling tied to my computer, hoping and praying for news. The relief I felt when we passed court was almost indescribable. I felt renewed, like the biggest weight imaginable had been lifted off my shoulders. I wasn't even really thinking yet of the next step, I was just so thankful to be where we were. Now, knowing we have been submitted to the embassy, and that they have had our paperwork for one week, I have these familiar, albeit unwanted feelings again.
I don't want to be consumed. I don't want to be anxious. But we really are closer than ever, and suddenly even a few weeks seems pretty unbearable. She is changing and growing at a rate that stuns me, I know it is magnified since we are so far away from her, but wow, do I long to be experiencing and seeing that growth and change. I also know we will be in a whole new world of challenges, but at this point I so want to be there. I am trying to be present here, with Eli and Micah in school, and having more time with Isaac, but I definitely failed yesterday. So, I find myself again, clinging to the Lord and the grace He alone can provide, and praying, praying, praying for good news soon.

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