We have still not heard about a court date, and this week will mark the 3rd month (average wait for a court date is 2-3 months). I have had some pretty rough days feeling so down about things, and Friday I finally wrote our caseworker and just asked if she was getting concerned that we hadn't heard anything yet. She was awesome and so encouraging and said there is nothing to be worried about, that some people hear before 3 months and some after.
Saturday morning for my quiet time I read Isaiah 25 (not planned, I am doing BSF and that was one of the passages for this week), and the first verse I read was, "O Lord, you are my God, I will exalt you and praise your name for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." God knew we would be on this journey before it ever even crossed our mind, He knew B would need a family, and He has been there through every decision and moment that has brought us to this point. I was blown away by how this verse spoke so completely to just how I have been struggling. Perfect faithfulness, marvelous things, things planned long ago...
And then this morning I read Isaiah 26 3-4, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal. I also read Philippians 4:6-7 (both passages again through BSF) "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "
I realized over the weekend as I thought over these last almost 3 months of waiting, that I have not been praying as fervently or expectantly for a court date as I think I should be. I have prayed, most definitely, but more in a vague-if this is not the day that's okay- sort of way. Sort of like I am trying to protect myself from getting my hopes up and then being super disappointed when it doesn't happen. What I realized is, I can lay out my hopes and trust and expectations fully for God every day, because who better to leave them with?! Certainly not myself. In trying to protect my heart from disappointment, I have missed a closer relationship with my Savior. If things don't go as I hope, than it will be Him who will be my comfort and strength and give me what I need to do it all again the next day. And He knows exactly what that is, as I think He was maybe trying to show me through those verses. I don't have to hold back with God, I don't have to measure my words, or check my emotions, He can handle it.
I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I feel like I have overcome something in my heart. At least for today. :)