busy

This has been a crazy month, and it has flown by. Aaron is in Haiti right now with a team from our church and the boys and I are in Oklahoma (woo hoo!). Between all of his trip preparations, (he also is leading the team) we also celebrated Eli and Micah's 4th birthday. And before that Aaron and I got to go to a Weekend to Remember conference, which was awesome. And before that, we found out some news about our adoption.
Not the "call everyone you know because it is so great news," more like the "wow, that was unexpected news." We found out a couple of weeks ago that the Ethiopian government changed their regulation about traveling and now we will need to make two trips to Ethiopia. The first one for our court date over there after we accept the referral, and the second one when we travel to pick up our daughter.
Our agency has done a great job keeping us as updated as possible as well as preparing us from the beginning for the up and down journey that is international adoption. I am not altogether sure why the rule was changed, but I am definitely in support of anything that is for the best interests of the children and for their benefit. And I am thankful that we have several months to plan and prepare for this change. I know there are families who have been waiting 7 months and could get their referral any day who now have weeks to get things ready.
On a happier adoption note, I have been gathering things here and there for Hope. I found a super cute rug on major clearance from Target that I am planning on using in her room. And a couple of people have given us little girl clothes which has been so fun! I can already tell we are going to have some issues in that department, girl clothes are just so stinkin cute!!! I also found a little ornament around Christmas time of a little black angel, super sweet. And I think the last item I have is matching bracelets for Hope and I from another family raising money for their adoption. I know we have many months ahead of us, and I am prepared for a long wait, but doing little things to prepare for her makes her seem closer and keeps her right in the front of my mind and heart.

Aaaaah!

Yesterday, as we were eating dinner I asked Eli what he had been learning on his leapster. I had let both he and Micah play them a little bit before dinner. He said he learned about the letter A and that it made the sound, aah (as in the short sound for A). Then I asked him what other things started with the letter A. He started with alligator, which I praised him for, and then he said, "and scream." I said no, scream does not start with A. And he replied, "Yes it does mom, Aaaaaaaaah, scream, see?" Get it? :)

We have been having 40+ degree weather for the past week, and the boys went out to play today. With all the snow melting, plus rain we got last weekend, our yard is a sodden, muddy mess. But I had played about all of the "hyena game" I could play (basically we pretend we are hyenas, or whatever animals they choose). I just do not enjoy playing pretend. There I said it. Give me just about any boardgame, coloring book, craft project, baking, etc. but please don't make me play pretend. When I was in highschool I babysat this little girl all summer. She was nine and her parents were slightly paranoid, as in they didn't want us to go outside. So, we stayed inside all summer and all she wanted to play was pretend! She was my "dog", and I just about lost my mind. Anyway, so I decided the boys needed some fresh air and excersise and I bundled them up. As they walked out in their snow pants and boots, I thought to myself over and over, "Almost any mess can be cleaned up, it's okay if they are covered in mud, they can all take baths." And as soon as their little feet walked outside they were instantly laying down in the mud, digging in the mud, and splashing in mud puddles. Ah well, just a typical day in the life of boys! At least my boys. :)

Something funny happened this morning. Eli and Micah called me up to their room to show me something. I have no idea how or why they thought of showing me this, I was in my half-paying attention mode as I cleaned up the kitchen so there is a good chance I missed something. Anyway, I follow them up and when we get up there they proceed to show me how they climb on top of their tall vertical dresser and jump off on to Eli's bed below. Yikes! This is apparently something that used to go on during "naptime" according to Micah. How they manage it was pretty interesting to see. They would climb on Eli's bed then leaning from his bed to the dresser they would curl their little toes around the handle of the dresser drawer and take a big step up. Standing on top of the dresser they could touch the ceiling, so they were pretty high. Anyway, I think their guardian angels have been working overtime lately. :)

It has been a very long couple of weeks. My grandpa died Thursday morning surrounded by family, very peacefully, but no less heartbreaklingly. Since his death and the few days leading up to it, our family has spent some sweet time together, remembering, laughing, crying, and trying to figure out what life looks like now that he is gone.

The service for him was so special. His kids spent hours and hours planning and thinking of just the right things to share about him. It really was a time of thanking and praising the Lord for giving us such a wonderful man, and seeing how he gave every area of his life to the Lord. It has also been a time of learning more about him. He was so humble, never one to draw any attention to himself or anything he ever did for anyone else, and there have been many stories that have come out about how he touched people's lives. Even things my grandma never knew about.

For me, the week leading up to his death was incredibly emotional. I could hardly talk or think about him without dissolving into tears. For now I feel like that part may be over, and now I just sort of feel an emptiness. So many conflicting emotions: thankfulness and peace that He is in Heaven with Jesus, but so sad that he is no longer here with us; excitement and joy at being with all of our family, but this empty feeling because he is not here too.

I think I sort of operate out of a "looking forward to what is coming next" attitude. If there is something going on that I am not super excited about or that is hard, I think, "Well, at least I have (fill in the blank) to look forward to." But with grandpa dying, there doesn't seem to be anything to fill in that blank. There doesn't seem to be any good options in thinking about life without him. And maybe that is how it is supposed to be. There really is no one who could or should fill his place, and I really would never want anyone to. It is just plain hard, it hurts, and in reality will never be the same. But in the midst of that the Lord is still here, where He always has been, with us in our pain and heartbreak.

Isaiah 61:3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

And life somehow marches on. This week the boys have all been taking naps again, hallelujah! I separated Eli and Micah and they have both been sleeping beautifully, (seriously, is that all it took?!) Micah has learned how to jump on one foot, and he can finally say his C's, K's, and G's. He has to hold his little throat to feel the difference between the sound in the front of his mouth and the back of his throat, but he can do it. Isaac is talking more and more, some of my favorites- nump (jump), peas mama, (please mama), ted you (thank you). Eli and Micah have also been super excited about getting some Leapsters (they call them weapsters) from my young cousins with tons of games. And we have thoroughly enjoyed having my parents here for so many sleeps!

Lord, thank you for your goodness to us in the midst of heartache and your promises that are new every morning, GREAT is your faithfulness.