Lists

* the boys being Indians (?)

The other day Eli and Micah wanted to make "lists." They brought us a piece of paper and pen, and wanted to hold the pen with us as we wrote down what they told us. I think they are supposed to be a list of things they like, but a couple of times they sort of diverged from that a little bit. :) We just wrote exactly what they told us, if it made sense or not. After we made them, they wanted me to read them out loud over and over, and they would just dissolve in giggles!

Eli's List
1. Sally (his stuffed monkey he sleeps with)
2. Sarah (both my cousin who babysits, and another stuffed monkey, Sally's mother, that he sleeps with)
3. Polar bear (the bear he got from my brother and sister-in-law for being their ring bearer)
4. Batman shirt
5. Batman underwear
6. Lightning McQueen pajamas
7. Mountain Lions
8. I want mom to stay home (apparently I had gone out for the evening)
9. I love mom
10. I think you're special
11. Daddy's thumb is super big
12. I like eating popcorn during movies
13. Summer shirts (sleeveless shirts)
14. Shorts
15. Going on a trip
16. Granola
17. Mom
18. Dad
19. Workers
20. Our house is so pretty
21. Diego legos are my best
22. Frogs
23. Saw a frog at the pond
24. Caught 3 fish
25. Saw a waterfall and so many dead fish
26. Making a mask
27. I'm glad I went to Wal-Mart with mom really early
28. Going to the Jungle at the zoo
29. Honey
30. Tag baba (his little blanket he sleeps with that he has had since he was a baby)
31. Super heroes
32. Chocolate milk
33. Coloring
34. Eating cereal
35. Fishing

Micah's list
1. Lion (stuffed animal he sleeps with)
2. Playing games
3. Super heroes
4. Chuckie Cheese
5. Toys at the store
6. Bounce U, because we got a pen
7. Hiking
8. Camping
9. Fishing
10. Bringing lunch when we go fishing
11. My mom and dad are the best
12. Eli is my best brother
13. Seeing animals
14. Going to the museum
15. Riding on trains
16. Going to the zoo
17. Making crafts
18. Going to preschool
19. Eating snacks and watching a movie
20. Predators
21. Eating dessert and watching a movie
22. Climbing trees
23. Wish I could be someone who saves people by swinging through the jungle
24. Painting, coloring, and writing pictures
25. Going to the farm
26. Nana and Papa's house
27. Getting magazines in the mail, and reading books
28. Playing
29. Running races
30. Bugs
31. Eating candy

Isaac turns 2

Today is Isaac's 2nd birthday! I seriously feel like this kid was a baby for like an hour. He has grown up SO fast! He is such a sweet boy, makes us laugh all the time, lets us know LOUD and clear when he is not happy about something, and reminds me constantly of the joys of being a mom.

Aaron and I put up our now expected birthday decorations, which received HUGE smiles when we came downstairs, I made chocolate chip teddy bear pancakes for breakfast, and then we headed to church. Tonight Aaron's mom, sister and family, and my grandma and aunts are coming over for dinner to help us celebrate this sweet boy.

His labor and delivery were so different from Eli and Micah's. He was 5 days late, and I had not experienced the 9th month of pregnancy before, so I was in for a VERY rude awakening! I went to the hospital so my mid-wife could break my water, and I sort of thought maybe I could do the whole natural childbirth thing. However, when I realized that was NOT something I wanted to do, he came so quickly the epidural did not have a chance to work. It was fast though, so that was very good! He was also so much bigger than the twins, 8.8lbs to their 5.8.

What I remember most about Isaac as an infant, is how much I feel like I enjoyed him. Having twins right off the bat was a very frantic experience for me. I never felt like I could just relax and enjoy them, it was always feeding, changing, and sleeping But with Isaac, I could take my time nursing, hold him a little longer, rock him a little more without having another baby waiting for me to finish.

Isaac is really talking up a storm these days. He is a little parrot and will repeat anything and everything you say. He is also great at climbing, jumping, and running. He basically runs everywhere he goes. I love when I get him dressed in the morning and as soon as his little toes hit the floor, he takes off! He is really loving being able to walk/run by himself when we go out, and often has this huge smile on his face. In fact when we left church today he was walking out the door on his own and someone said, "He looks so happy!"

Some of my favorite things he says and does are,
-"I did it!" (after doing just about everything)
-making a little gun with his fingers and shooting things (which does not sound all that cute, but his gun sound is like a little grunt)
-when he rides on your back or anything rides on anyone's back he calls it their backpack. So if he rides on Daddy's back, he is "Daddy's backpack"
-when Eli or Micah are bugging him he says in a very urgent voice to anyone around, "Wook, wook!"
-he loves to "rock rock" before nap or bed. He is still a cuddler! And at this point in time he still prefers me to rock him, and has asked for me instead of Dad. :) Which I just love! Being a mom with 3 boys, I have nothing over their dad, so when someone actually wants me instead of Dad, I eat that up!
-when he gives you a hug, he basically just leans into you
-he thinks he is four, that is how old he says he is when you ask him

Isaac, I love you so much! You are such a precious blessing to our family, you make us laugh, and amaze us with how much you are learning and how fast you are growing. Thank you for being such a light in our family!

daddy day

Last Saturday Aaron took all three boys on a "Daddy Day," for the entire day. It was part of my Mother's Day present, and it was awesome. He was so sweet about it, and really wanted to be out of the house the whole day, so he made all these plans. They left about 9:15 and got home at 5:30.They went to a park, Bounce U, McDonald's, fishing, and hiking. Just thinking about that is exhausting and super stressful to me! He said it was great, all except for some meltdowns about naptime when they were fishing. :)

It was such a gift to have that time to myself. Time to leisurely take a shower and get ready, casually browse through stores I never go to anymore, read on our porch swing, and visit a friend who had just had a baby. I fully appreciated it, and the sacrifice of my husband, giving up any downtime for himself so I could have a whole day.

It was also such a great reminder of how much I love my boys, and miss them and all their crazy noise when they are gone. All four of them crashed HARD that night, such great memories!

-The number of boys under 5 I have in my house
-The number of times I have moved in my whole life
-How many brothers I have
-How many months we have been on the waiting list!!!

3!!

We have now been on the waiting list for a little over 3 months. For some reason, I thought this time would be going by a bit more quickly than it is. Maybe that is partly because I start anticipating another month down, 2 weeks before we are there!

I have been thinking about our girl so much. She is always on my mind, but I have felt off and on much more of a burden for her. I have also been thinking about her birth family, especially her mother, and just praying that she/they would find healing and peace in Jesus. I also had the realization of how important my prayers are for her (duh!). My boys, and Aaron and I have entire families full of Godly men and women who pray for us faithfully. But my girl may not, and we might be the only ones she has who are praying for her. That may not be true, and I really hope it is not, but wow, if it is, how huge it is that we are praying faithfully for her!

I have started my required Hague adoption training and have been feeling a little overwhelmed. I haven't read anything completely new, but I think the reality has begun to hit me about how big international adoption really is. There are so many unknowns, and circumstances completely out of our control, and that can be pretty scary. Again, I knew this on some level, but reading hours and hours of articles really hammers it home! I know that God has led us here and will continue to lead us, and I am still as excited and pumped about adoption as ever, but I am realizing that it is so much more than that moment when you bring that child into your home. (of course!) There are questions that will probably never be answered, and circumstances we will never fully understand. I think what scares me the most is having our daughter grow up and have questions that we cannot adequately answer that will lead her to experience pain, rejection, isolation, and doubts about who she is. I hate thinking about not being able to comfort her and have the words to bring healing to her broken heart. I have been thinking a lot about how you talk to your child about their adoption, what to say, what not to say, how honest to be, how you explain abandonment, etc. I think one of the hardest parts is just all of the unknowns.

I guess the important thing is to focus on what I do know. What I know about God, His provision, His love, and His presence. It will be hard, there will be questions that have no answers, there will be things I can never understand. But we are not in this alone, and the One who has gone before us, is also going with us, and behind us, and I can place all my trust in Him.

red wagons and white flowers

So, yesterday did not start out well. It was one of those days that you wake up just feeling off. Maybe you had a weird dream, maybe you missed your alarm and didn't make it to the gym, maybe you are a bit more hormonal than normal, whatever the reason, you wake up with a little black cloud above your head. Well, that was me, and to top it off we had to take our van into the shop, meaning the boys and I were stuck at home all day. I have no problem being home, I like it actually, but there is a definite difference between choosing to stay home and being forced to stay home. It was also really windy, (I detest the wind), so in my mind going on a walk or to the park was also out of the question. I'm sure the boys pick up on my moods, and are affected by them, so they seemed a little out of sorts too. Picking on each other, following me around, lots of whining, etc. I decided we needed an activity to make the endless morning go a little faster, and chose to make cookies. This is something that tests my patience on good days, so I'm not really sure why I decided to attempt it yesterday, but I did. The four of us were all crammed into the corner of the kitchen, each trying to find a spot on about 12 inches of countertop. At one point all three boys were on one chair, pushing, crying, and falling. We finally figured out placement for everyone, and I frantically started making the cookies with little arms and fingers shooting out all over the place. Finally the cookies were made and the mess cleaned up, and it was still only 10:00! So, out the door we went for some fresh air and space to move without tripping all over each other. That actually was just what everyone needed, and the boys were soon enthralled with their daily bug hunting and digging. A few minutes later I hear them say, "Mom, don't come over here yet, we are making a surprise for you." Oh great, basically that can be interpreted as, "Mom, don't come over here because we are making you a surprise that will actually be more like a huge mess for you to clean up!" But I thought, we are outside, and virtually any mess can be cleaned up, and for crying out loud they are playing on their own, so I left them be. Pretty soon I was summoned to see the surprise, so I tried to sound excited as I said, "I'm coming!", all the time dreading what I would find when I turned the corner. Well, I come around the corner and there they are, both grinning from ear to ear standing in front of their red wagon. There is no mess that I can see, and then they lift up the seat of the wagon which they have filled with these little white flowers. They filled a wagon with flowers for me! I literally had to sit down I was so surprised. Here I was super annoyed thinking about the mess I was going to have to clean up, and how this was just adding to the terrible day I was having, and they had actually thought about what I would like and took time to make something so sweet. They had thought about me! I just heard a speaker at a women's event talk about how as a mom you feel kind of invisible. There are just things you are expected to do, and no one thanks you or acknowledges that you have done them, they just expect they will be done. Well, I guess I felt noticed by my boys, and that was enough to literally turn the day around for me. It was like a rainbow appeared through my black cloud, and I was able to refocus on the multitude of things I have to be thankful for. Which I know sounds so pathetic, but I tell you what, these little guys have my heart, and when they are able to give back to me just a little, it actually ends up meaning a whole lot. All because of a red wagon full of white flowers!

brothers

I have been enjoying watching my three boys interact more and more together. Isaac still gets left in the dust constantly, but he seemed to have been born trying to catch up to his brothers in every way. And I am predicting he will outweigh them in the not too distant future! He adores them and just wants to do everything they do. Today we were all outside enjoying an amazing spring day and Eli and Micah were running races. They love to race, inside, outside, anywhere, and Isaac has been doing his best to race with them for a couple of months now. After they had run several races Eli and Micah plopped down to take a rest and I watched as Isaac came up right beside Micah and sat down. He looked over at Micah, who was fiddling with his shoes, and Isaac started fiddling with his shoes. Then Micah folded his hands in his lap, and Isaac looked over and did the exact same thing. And he kept glancing over at Micah to make sure he was still doing the same thing Micah was doing. Then Micah jumped up and announced something, and sure enough, Isaac jumped up and announced the same thing, in his cute little voice. I just about died, my heart actually hurt I though it was so cute!
Eli and Micah have also picked up on the fact that Isaac will repeat anything they say. We were in the car yesterday and I hear from the back, "Isaac, say Great Big Poop, say Great Big Poop, Isaac!" And sure enough, Isaac's little voice pipes up, "Great Bid Poop!", and the three of them burst out laughing. And as totally inappropriate as it was, it was pretty funny. Either that or I have been around too many boys for way too long!

My 2 are 4!!

Happy Birthday Eli and Micah! I seriously cannot believe you are 4, that seems so grown up and big! I can still remember with crystal clarity every part of my pregnancy with you as well as your grand entrance into the world.
The night after you were born I laid both of you side by side in front of me on a pillow and just gazed at you. You were finally here and my dreams of being a mom had come true. You were tiny and perfect and sweet, and I just could not get enough of you.
Your dad and I discovered that this birthday was a pretty big deal to you. You remembered from last year things we had done and you really understood that it was your birthday and all that entails. You were so excited about the decorations we put up and gave us big hugs when you came downstairs that morning and saw them. You also were excited about being able to plan your birthday menu for the day: Chocolate chip teddy bear pancakes for breakfast, corn-dogs, Cheetos, and lemonade for lunch, and pizza for supper. We invited some family over to have some spiderman cake with us after supper which made you feel very special.

Micah, I just want you to know I love you so very much. You have an infectious laugh and sparkle in your eyes that I just love to see. You are so interested in how things work and love asking questions. You are friendly and kind and have an amazing imagination. I love hearing what is on your mind and you have stumped me more than once with your questions and thoughts. Micah you have such a sweet heart and I love your hugs.

Eli, you are such a special boy. I love your easy laugh and how you love to joke around. I love to cuddle with you and watch you run and jump around. You have the greatest facial expressions and it is never hard to tell what you are feeling! Eli, I love watching you play with Isaac and read books to him. You are so funny and already have a great sense of humor. You also love to help me and your dad.

I love that both of you love bugs, dirt, and adventures, as well as books and music. I love your insatiable curiosity and your hilarious honesty. You both have kept your dad and I on our toes since you were born and given us some great stories to tell! I love you so very much and there is no where in the world I would rather be than home with you everyday.