*He brought in this entire pile!

This little guy stole my heart yesterday. Well, he has had it for a while, but every so often I am struck by just how sweet he is. Eli and Isaac were still sleeping, and Micah decided we needed to stock up on some firewood. So, he pulled on his shoes and marched out the door and made probably about 10 trips, his arms full of wood. He was so cute, running down the sidewalk to our wood pile, and then staggering back inside with rosy cheeks and a huge smile. I could hardly handle how he looked, and love him so very much! ( I have posts on Eli and Isaac coming up too! :) )

And the waiting continues

We have still not heard about a court date, and this week will mark the 3rd month (average wait for a court date is 2-3 months). I have had some pretty rough days feeling so down about things, and Friday I finally wrote our caseworker and just asked if she was getting concerned that we hadn't heard anything yet. She was awesome and so encouraging and said there is nothing to be worried about, that some people hear before 3 months and some after.

Saturday morning for my quiet time I read Isaiah 25 (not planned, I am doing BSF and that was one of the passages for this week), and the first verse I read was, "O Lord, you are my God, I will exalt you and praise your name for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." God knew we would be on this journey before it ever even crossed our mind, He knew B would need a family, and He has been there through every decision and moment that has brought us to this point. I was blown away by how this verse spoke so completely to just how I have been struggling. Perfect faithfulness, marvelous things, things planned long ago...

And then this morning I read Isaiah 26 3-4, "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD, is the Rock eternal. I also read Philippians 4:6-7 (both passages again through BSF) "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "

I realized over the weekend as I thought over these last almost 3 months of waiting, that I have not been praying as fervently or expectantly for a court date as I think I should be. I have prayed, most definitely, but more in a vague-if this is not the day that's okay- sort of way. Sort of like I am trying to protect myself from getting my hopes up and then being super disappointed when it doesn't happen. What I realized is, I can lay out my hopes and trust and expectations fully for God every day, because who better to leave them with?! Certainly not myself. In trying to protect my heart from disappointment, I have missed a closer relationship with my Savior. If things don't go as I hope, than it will be Him who will be my comfort and strength and give me what I need to do it all again the next day. And He knows exactly what that is, as I think He was maybe trying to show me through those verses. I don't have to hold back with God, I don't have to measure my words, or check my emotions, He can handle it.
I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I feel like I have overcome something in my heart. At least for today. :)

Christmas time!

As seems to happen every year, suddenly it's December and Christmas is just a few weeks away. I absolutely love this time of year, really from October until about March when the weather starts to warm up again. I love the cold, I love winter clothes, I love cozy houses and fires in the fireplace, and hot chocolate and snow.
We put up our tree and decorations Tuesday and it was by far the best time doing that since we have had kids. Really not stressful, and only 1 ornament casualty. We listened to Christmas music (Sufjan Stevens Holiday and Sara Groves Holiday on Pandora are awesome) and had popcorn and hot chocolate. Eli and Micah especially were so excited to decorate, and super excited for their "activity." All morning as I was bringing up Christmas bins to decorate that night, they kept talking about this "activity." I could not figure out what activity I had promised to do with them, until finally I realized they meant their nativity. My mom gave them the Little People nativity when they were just babies and it is the most loved Christmas decoration we have. It stays packed away until we decorate for Christmas, and it is just so special to them.
They also love their stockings and this year I hung up Hope's stocking. She obviously won't be with us physically this year, but she is constantly on our minds, and it is such a blessing to know her little face.
On another note, suddenly the boys act like they believe in Santa Claus. We made the decision not to make a big deal out of Santa, neither one of us grew up believing in him, so last year we told them he wasn't real. Either they forgot, or never heard us or something, because they have already drawn him like 20 pictures and have plans for letters and cookies for him. And now I don't have the heart to remind them he isn't real! This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. Whatever, I tried, they just better not blame me when their little hearts are broken after they really hear the truth. :)

Update 4

These are a couple of things from Hope's nursery. :)



Last week was sort of like an early Christmas as far as pictures go of our baby girl. We received 3
pictures and a video (!) Monday morning from a sweet family who had traveled to Ethiopia to pick up their son. They were able to go to the home B is in and take pictures for us. It was so great to get more than one picture at a time, I felt like I could get a better idea of what she really looks like now, and the video was beyond words. To see her moving and in "real life" was just so wonderful. And then on Tuesday we got another update from our agency. This was the development and height/weight update, and she is doing great. Growing and reaching little milestones. It is always bittersweet when we get new info about her. So, so thankful she is doing so well and in such good hands, but just bummed they aren't our hands yet. We still have not received word about our court date but are definitely still within the estimated time frame. Can I just say though that these two plus months since we received our referral have seemed longer than the previous 7?!

I think her nursery is just about done. We painted the room and dresser and replaced hardware, got a new light, and hung up some pictures. My aunt is also going to make the bedskirt. I love the room, it is soft and sweet, and just waiting patiently for the baby girl it was made for. I found the little doll online and thought it was so sweet, and the picture is one I had in my room growing up.

I also wanted to write down a question Eli asked me a couple of days ago. We have talked a lot about the adoption pretty much right from the beginning, sometimes they ask questions, but usually they just listen. We had told them baby Hope was in a home with a lot of other babies and that she had people there who were taking care of her. He asked why we needed to adopt her if she had people already taking care of her. I thought that was a good question, and just explained that those people were very kind but they weren't like her family.

I just love walking through this journey with my entire family and seeing how we are all processing and learning about it as we go.

Micah's view

Micah has shown a recent interest in taking pictures lately. And while most of the ones he takes are blurry, unrecognizable, or unflattering (double chin and rear end shots anyone?), these are some he has taken that I think turned out pretty good.

I realized I have been writing only about adoption stuff lately, meanwhile life with my boys is marching right on. Tonight we celebrated the first snowfall of the season (it actually snowed Friday night but this was the first night we were home since then) with our first fire in the fireplace and smores! Although for everyone except Aaron and I, it was marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate all separate. Not a one of them likes real smores, too much of a mess they tell me. This coming from three boys who can be covered with dirt, sand, and mud up to their ears and not mind at all. Anyway, I am always on the lookout for new traditions, and I hope this one will stick.

I have also been doing preschool at home with them this year. I never actually thought I would homeschool, but just sensed the Lord leading us this way as we started the process of thinking about school. I am just taking it one year at a time, but do plan on doing school at home with them for kindergarten as well. I started out with grand plans and ideas of all of us starting promptly at 9:00 every morning gathered around our table listening attentively and participating actively in each day's lesson. I'm not sure that even made it one day. I do remember Isaac screaming and launching himself across the table to grab a crayon our first day and things going downhill pretty rapidly after that. I have really tried to relax in my approach and make it more about having fun than meeting my expectations. I try to have some one on one time with each of them a couple times each week to work on reading, and we are doing a letter of the week, lots of me reading to them, and other little easy projects. When it clicks it is really fun, and I love seeing them learn new things and get excited. But it is also hard. It's hard to engage them all at once and feel like I am teaching them anything that is helpful or that matters. I also struggle with feeling they are missing out on experiences or activities in a classroom. I do feel good overall about it though, I just realized that even if you do what you feel like the Lord is leading you to do, it can still be hard frustrating. I sure do love hanging out with them though, and consider it such a gift.

Update 3

Well, my titles are ridiculously uninspired! I guess I am feeling a little uninspired lately. Some days I feel fine and strong, and then other days are filled with this anxiety about waiting. I have so been trying to meditate and think about TRUTH, but those doubts and questions are always right around he corner, threatening to pull me in. I do love that we get updates regularly and we received this one last Tuesday. This is what they said about our sweet girl,
"B is a very alert and sweet baby! I found her sunbathing this morning at her foster care home with the most content look on her face. She seemed to be taking in all the noises and sights of the other babies and caregivers close by. She had lots of waving arms and active hands as she continually grasped for things around her. When the sun hit her face just right, she would let out the cutest sneezes and then a huge smile would light up her face. Such a doll!" Her picture was also my favorite one yet, and I was again blown away by how much she had changed.

Yesterday I told Aaron that I thought I would just have this little bit of depression hanging over my head until we heard about our court date. He looked at me and said, "Well, that would sure be a waste." Not in a snotty or rude way, but just honestly. And you know what, he is so right. Why would I choose depression instead of joy? Why focus on the negative instead of being thankful? There is a reason we have not been given a court date, and if we do not hear today, it is good. Because God knows when we need to be in Ethiopia, and we will not be there until that time. And that is good. And I trust Him.

Isaiah 26:3
"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."