remember

Well, it's 8:15 on a Thursday morning, Aaron left a few minutes ago to take Eli and Micah to school, I have not showered, and Hope and Isaac are playing with cars in the living room, so we'll see how much of this I get written at once! I have gotten so behind with blogging, and it's really the only family journal we have (we are also pretty bad about taking pictures), and I do want to have some record of these days as our family changes and grows. So, no matter how far behind I get, I will keep trying!

The theme "remember" has been running through my mind a lot lately. This time last year was a VERY difficult time for us in our adoption. We just kept getting bad news on top of bad news, and really had to look in the face the possibility that Hope may not be coming home to our family. I remember feeling heartbroken, forgotten, and a kind of left behind as other families we traveled with on our first trip started seeing movement in their cases. God's grace and compassion were definitely real to me, but it was also so hard to let go of something I so desperately wanted.

Every year our church has a spring dinner, and my good friend Kelly and I have decorated a table for it every year for the last 5 years. Last year it seemed like everything sort of culminated in terms of my emotions on that night, and after the dinner I broke down. Like almost sobbing. In public. I really felt like we maybe were not meant to bring Hope home, like an intuition of sorts. And a few weeks later, that possibility became very real as we discovered new information about her family. That night as I cried my eyes out, I was literally surrounded by my friends who were also at the dinner, and who were such a huge part of our support as we went through our adoption.

This year I just couldn't help but vividly remember that night, and the emotions and heartache that were there. But this year, wow, who could have imagined where we would be! Where God would bring us, and how He would lead us. Hope is home! I get to hold her in my arms, kiss her cheeks, hear her squeal and babble...and remember. So, our theme for our table this year was "Hope," and Psalm 62:5 was our verse, "Find rest O my soul in God alone, my hope comes from Him." I took this verse both literally and figuratively. :)

I have also been reading in Deuteronomy lately, and "remember" has also been a pretty big theme there as well. Remembering the laws God has given us, who He is, and what He has done. He is and was our answer, He goes before us, He is with us, and He has done great things!

birthday boys

It has been another quick month with quite a bit happening around here! We had Eli and Micah's 6th birthday, 2 of my brothers and one sister in law came to visit, we reached our 3 month home mark with Hope, and had spring break!

Eli and Micah turned 6 on March 23, and that is still settling in. I can't believe my first 2 are 6! Their birthday was on a Friday, and Aaron signed up to be the Watchdog at their school that day (basically dad's sign up to spend the day at school, helping with whatever the teacher's need, and just being a male presence during the day). It was a little trickier fitting in our usual birthday routine before they had to leave, but we did it, just a little faster. :) Angela had helped me with the decorations the night before (Aaron was gone, and very thankful, ha!), and I made the traditional chocolate chip teddy bear pancakes. They opened a couple of gifts from us, and Ben and Angela, and then they were off!

I also made treats to take with them for their classes, they informed me that, "moms don't really come for birthdays," and realized again how much easier it will be if they are in the same class next year. 24 treats instead of 50 anyone? After school Aaron took them and 2 of their friends from school to the Ultimate Pizza Machine, and Ben and Angela met them there with Isaac. Hope and I stayed home, and waited for them to come back so we could have cake and ice cream. They came home so wound up and excited, the pizza machine had been a big hit!

We wanted them to feel special and loved on their special day, and I think they did. I was a little sad about the fact that I hardly saw them at all on their birthday, so different from years before, but I did get some time alone with them on Sunday morning. I love having 6 year olds, maybe my favorite age yet? I truly love spending time with them, they are funny and sweet, and they are becoming more responsible and trustworthy. I have seen a lot of growth this year in them, in their confidence and independence, and I feel so thankful and honored to be their mom.

So many memories flash through my mind when I think back these 6 years, and before they were born:
-laying on our couch downstairs while on bedrest and feeling them have the hiccups, at the same time!
-just staring at them, as they slept side by side on my lap right after they were born
-playing on the floor for hours, watching them smile at each other, dancing around the living room, and reading
-getting out of the house in our double stroller, lots of extra attention!
-moving them into big boy beds, they looked so little
-the agonies (and I do mean agonies) of potty-training
-welcoming a little brother, they were just over 2 when Isaac was born and pretty much the cutest

So thankful for these 2. I never in a million years imagined myself with identical twin boys, but wow, I am just blown away by the gift it is to be their mom.